I'll Trade You A Wise Man And A Donkey For The Baby Jesus...

that is what I over heard today while sitting here at my desk....

I walked very quietly into my kitchen and hid in the kids doorway, peeked over the microwave and I see that the kids have stopped decorating the tree... they found the little tiny nativity scene that was gifted to me years ago... each one of them had a couple in each hand... and theres Gambit standing there with a wiseman and a donkey in one hand following his brother around saying "I'll trade ya a wiseman and a donkey for the baby jesus".... well damn if I didn't start laughing my ass off... so I told them to play nicely with them and walked out thinking nothing of it....

sitting back at my computer working on some stuff (read that to say chatting) and all of a sudden I hear....

"angels aren't evil!"

my ear perks and turns toward the kitchen... (moms ears do that didn't you know) up I get back to my peekin spot... theres Keenan with the nativity scene lil angel and the baby jesus in one hand waving it above his had making evil laughing sounds... Gambit turns to me and says "Mom the angel is not evil right?" and hmm and ha should I get into a semi religious conversation with the kids...nah... so I say... "can be" Keenan... "see the evil angel came down and is kidnappin baby jesus and taking him away"

somehow...somewhere I knew... deep in the pit of my stomach... I didn't want to acknowledge it... but... a wave came across and smacked me in the face ... and said "You're going to HELL! if you let them continue like this"

then like a light from yon window breaking... I thought "ba ha ha I'm not going to Hell... I don't even believe there is a hell outside of this what we live in right now"

Anyway... thats weird... lol

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so yes the tree got put up today... went and picked it up... and the kids decorated it... and then I fixed it... you know... taking 75% of the ornaments off the bottom right hand corner of the tree...and dispersing them all over the tree...

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So I had a breakdown the other day... ya know... crying and bitching and the ball of wax... I realized that I had no money... thats right... none...for christmas... for other people I don't care too much... other family members and what not aren't expecting anything... but I don't have enough money to buy the kids anything... I know that I shouldn't worry because they won't remember the presents in 20 years they'll remember how they felt on christmas day....
I just want to be able to walk into a store thats not a dollar store to buy the kids something that they actually want... *whew* ok got that out....

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So I think I'm gonna do some baking... I have to go through my books and find some good cookie recipies...

other than that... not much else to say... I'm taking my drugs like a good girl... and making sure I don't die... apparently dying is not allowed during the holiday season... looking at about six months still... alright it has now taken me a couple of hours to type this out.... damn I chat too much...