I want you to notice... When I'm not around... You're so fucking special

Sometimes I sit and I wonder if you're a dream that I've had and keep having... I wonder if you are real... could you possibly exist in my world... is it all for naught... will one day I wake completely and find a hole where you once were... echoes of whispers that were in the dark near unheard... will there come a time when I think it no longer a dream... when I awake to find that you are more real then a figment... will I come to, finding you here... your smile beaming at me as my eyes flutter open... there are times when I have found that void and wondered if the dream had passed... if you were gone... but then my heart soars to new heights when I receive a message from you... when I hear word that you are well... when I hear your voice in my ear once more... I squeeze my eyes closed in those moments and wish them to never end... wishing that you were here closer to me... wishing to touch you to make sure that you aren't but a dream... until then I will hold out hope that my love is enough to bring you back to me and I to you... I will wait with bated breath for any message that you may send... I will continue to pray for you... and love you with all of my heart and all of my soul...

You got a fast car... I want a ticket to anywhere... Maybe we make a deal

As most people who know me know about me... I love to travel... I got bit by the travel bug when I was younger...

I comment to a friend of mine who only lives about 45 minutes from me that I find it funny that she says we live so far apart... it's nothing for me to drive 45 minutes... heck that's only a handful of songs... when you boil it down... but it's just she's gotten no attention span for being in a car for more then 10 minutes (her words not mine)... lol

if I had the means of transport I'd likely never be home we'd be every where.

but anyway... people who don't like driving weird me out... I just don't get it I suppose... so yeah back to what I was saying...

When I was 10 my grandma died on my Dad's side of the family... and in the summer that I was 11, my family was having supper with my grandfather and he was telling us about how he would be traveling to B.C in June, me being a kid piped up and said 'Oh can I come too?' not thinking anything of it... found out a few days later that my parents were ok with that idea, they talked it over with my grandfather and sure enough a couple of days after the last day of school I was off and traveling with him in his little white car that I named Kirby.

We travelled through the northern states... there were things we learned about each other on that trip... the first thing was... we didn't really know each other at all... but as the trip went on we talked and I learned about his family and what it was like for him growing up and being in the military. He learned that I am not a morning person and that I would stay silent just staring out the window as the scenery passed by, and it wasn't until after noon that I would really talk much.

It felt like we drove forever but I'm sure it was only a week... with him being the only driver in the car we would stop each night and we would sleep in the car or in a hotel room... I didn't even really care where we were going I just loved the fact that I got to see 'the world' (to me then)... he showed me sights that he showed his kids when they would travel... I saw how flat Montana is... and how you could see where it was raining miles and miles away while the sun shines down on you... yeah I thought that was weird...

I kept a journal (who'da thunk it eh?) while on my trip of being in the car... grandpa would try really hard to miss bumps and such if he noticed that I was writing... he was such a sweetie... I don't remember a whole lot now 20 yrs later of what we really talked about, I remember a lot of silence... and I was ok with that...

I met my great grandmother on that trip and her room mate... that always makes me smile when I think about that... they kept going on and on about the length of my eye lashes and how much I looked like Margo... yeah that was a crazy great aunt of mine who killed herself... I was mortified at the time that I would remind them of a crazy woman who killed herself... now... yeah I can see how it would fit... I also very briefly met my other great grandmother she didn't want visitors... crazy old bat... so we moved on through and started back through Canada... we worked it out with my aunt (one of my mom's sisters) that I could stay the summer there. So gramps was going to drive to Regina SK and drop me off there... but we stopped to visit a couple of my dad's sisters in Alberta... now up to this point it was just me, grandpa and the radio playing songs that were from like the 40's cause he would only listen to tapes... so in Alberta we were witness to the two aunts getting into a fist fight in the back of my uncles pharmacy... we rolled our eyes and sighed... we were picking up the youngest one and she was going back to Ontario with grandpa after he dropped me off in Saskatchewan... I was not impressed I now had to sit in the back and didn't really get to talk much... however... grandpa made sure that before we left that he and I went to the West Edmonton Mall... it was awesome... I looked around and took it all in but didn't want to really do any of the rides or any shopping... yeah I'm weird... people take me places and I just want to take pictures and look around... like some sort of strange observer...

Anyway... so on we went in silence.. my aunt gabbing my grandpa's ears off and me quiet and staring out the back windows of the car...

We got to Regina... and no one was home... I didn't think anything of it... I told grandpa I'd be fine until my aunt got home and my aunt convinced him I would be fine... and so they left me... the back door was open so we didn't think they'd be gone very long...

So... darkness fell... and ... *chuckles* it got later and later and no one was coming home... so I called home to my mom... she was not a happy camper to say the least... so was freaking out... I on the other hand was fine... nice quiet house... so needless to say my mom got a hold of her uncle who lived in Regina to come and get me so that I could stay with him until she could figure out what happened to my aunt...

Uncle Nick came to get me... he seemed a crotchety old man... but he figured some young girl would be real scared... so he knocked and loudly announced who he was and why he was there and that he wanted me to call my mom before he came into the house... crotchety but a gentleman... the only thing I remember about my great uncle Nick is that he had three fingers missing... and I found it intriguing how he smoked like that... and his house smelled really bad like old people...

The next day my aunt, uncle and two cousins came back from camping and found out what was going on and came to pick me up from uncle Nicks place... to me this was all quite the adventure.. apparently to the adults this would have been some sort of nightmare...

So there I was at my aunt's house with my cousin who was a year or two younger then me and the other one was 9 or so years younger then me...

My cousin and I had so much fun hanging out that summer... I got into a bunch of trouble and went through a couple of things I'd rather forget but... nonetheless had a good time while I was there.

So fast forward 20 years... to today... well actually yesterday... in and amidst all the crap that happened yesterday... I got a phone call from my cousin... he's in town until Sunday... so he'll be at my mom's house for dinner on Saturday... and we're both excited to be able to get a chance to hang out again even if for only the evening... I'm really kinda stoked... I don't get out west like ever... and he's rarely out here... so... there will be fun times to be had...

Gave me a warm fuzzy when we were hanging up last night and he's like '...love ya Cuz, I'll talk to ya probably tomorrow' :)

Laugh and sing,but while we're apart... Don't give your heart to anyone... But don't forget who's takin' you home

I've not been a good place the last little while...call it whatever if you have to label it I just haven't been in a good place... I've been ignoring things I've been supposed to be doing, cancelling on meetings and stuff because I just don't feel like being there... giving one word or I should say very succinct answers to questions I've been asked about how I'm doing... I've been questioning the stuff I have been doing... as well as my own beliefs and my own faith... I know not many people put much stock in those last two anymore but... I did...

it's not like anything in my life has had this huge traumatic effect on my life and...
well actually... yeah I guess there has been... I just haven't really been sharing how much of an affect it had on me because even though it may seem my style to blurt out everything that's going on in my life and seek approval or acknowledgment or some such... I really am a fairly private person... but this... this I've been keeping just for me... and I think it's finally just left me feeling quite hollow...

I was told that a little while ago that even though I may have the need to seek out everyone's attention and their approval... I've never really seen it that way... it really hurt me to think that someone out there thought that's what I was doing. I have a blog so I can do some sort of writing, some sort of journaling and it used to be so people could keep up with what I was up to and how I was doing because they didn't get to talk to me much. I would post pictures on Facebook and other network sites sort of for the same reasons, so that family that lives far away and friends I didn't see too often could get a glimpse of what was going on in my life. So then I started thinking... well... maybe I'm just jamming my life down their throats and I guess if they want to see pictures of what they might be missing by not being here they'll ask to see them. Or they would call or skype or contact me in some way so they could do so... So I took 'em down... closed 'em up... I deleted nearly all of the 60 pics that I had accumulated in my profile pictures and locked up all of my photo albums on FB... and ya know... no one even noticed... so I guess I was right... if they cared enough to want to see them I guess they would ask.

By doing that though it's just made me realize what I guess I knew all along... no one really cares about what I might be doing... there's only one person who calls me to see how I'm doing... online there is only one person who will search me out and ask me what's up every few days... other then that it's all on me to do the reaching out and the touching... It was a big eye opener.

There's others I've asked how they're doing and what's new and I get the response of - well I up date my blog don't you read it...

Can't win I suppose.

Obviously the man has noticed that I've been in a funk... he told me today that it made him feel better that I rolled over to hug him while I was sleeping for the first time in over a month... yeah... made me feel like a piece of shit.

Got into some sort of weird fucking argument with Bing last week... why? because I have this aching ball of jealousy that makes me feel sick when I see certain things and a couple of other reasons, which I've been told time and time again is unfounded but it doesn't stop it from happening and then when I say something about it I feel like an even bigger piece of shit because I don't get much time with him and that of all things is what we end up "talking" about...

I understand you have to experience the lows in order to appreciate the highs but goddamn... I do appreciate the highs... I don't need lows like this to appreciate the highs.

So on top of all that today... I got woken up from a nap (yeah which I've been napping a lot lately and that's just not normal for me) by an earthquake, only to find out that we're in the midst of a warning for tornadoes later in the evening, have 4 episodes...I swear I was looking around the house for a partridge in a pear tree... because by God if I found it I was right fucking sure it was gonna shit on me...

yeah yeah... I hear you... whaa whaa whaa boo hoo hoo...

I'm really not asking for much... I'm really not... I'm asking for two things to happen by the end of this year... but then again one of the things I've been wishing praying and hoping for, for about 3 yrs... and the second for over a year now...

It's really starting to get on my nerves when I get told that I get everything I want. If that was the case... I'd have those two things I want so very badly.

I really don't know why these two stick with me... I'm such a shit.

"So please don't, please don't, please don't

There's no need to complicate

'Cause our time is short

This is, this is, this is our fate

I'm yours"

Wondering where I am... Lost without you

So I was writing ritual last night and I got stuck in thought for a moment at two lines... and it's as though they've been haunting me for the last 12 hours... even got me out of bed this morning before 9am...

Without her Lord, the Goddess is barren.

Without his Lady, the God has no life.

My world, haters can make like bees with no stingers, and drop dead...

After much research She just seemed to fit me all to well... I got this VeVe last Tuesday and have had some interesting dreams and experiences since... Now researching Shango (Chango) to see about getting his VeVe on my left foot... though I feel a great draw toward Papa Legba, so since I am not 100% decided on which I continue researching, journeying and meditating on which is me.

Oshun (Oxum)

In Yoruban mythology, Oshun is an Orisha (spirit goddess) of love,

intimacy, beauty, wealth and diplomacy. According to the Yoruba elders,

Oshun is the "unseen mother present at every gathering", because she

represents the cosmological forces of water, moisture, and attraction.

Therefore, she is omnipresent and omnipotent.

Oshun is the force of harmony - harmony seen as beauty, felt as love, and

experienced as ecstasy. According to the ancients, she was the only female

Irunmole amongst the 401 sent from the spirit realm to create the world. As

such, she is revered as "YeYe" - the sweet mother of us all. When the male

Irunmole attempted to subjugate Oshun due to her femaleness, she removed

her divine energy (aché) from the project of creation and all subsequent

efforts were in vain. Only after the male Irunmole begged Oshun for

forgiveness could the creation of the world continue. However, creation

would not commence until Oshun had given birth to a son. This son became

Elegba, the great conduit of aché in the Universe and also the eternal and

infernal trickster.

Oshun is known as Yalode- the mother of things outside the home,

due to her business expertise. She is also known as Laketi, “She Who has

Ears”, because of how quickly and effectively she answers prayers. When she

possesses her followers she dances, flirts and then weeps- because no one can

love her enough and the world is not as beautiful as she knows it could be.

Oshun is beneficent and generous, and very kind. However, she does

have a terrible temper, though it is difficult to anger her. She is married to

Changó, god of fire, thunder, and power, and is his favorite wife because of

her excellent cooking skills. Oshun rules the ‘sweet’ waters- rivers, brooks,

and streams. Her preferred offerings are honey, copper jewelry, or coins in

multiples of five. She is most often associated with St. Cecilia, and in Lukumi,

she is Our Lady of La Caridad del Cobre, the protectress of Cuba. Her colors are

yellow and gold.

In Vodoun, Oshun is known as Erzulie. Erzulie’s colors are shades

of pink. While Erzulie and Oshun are very much alike, Erzulie has a vengeful,

ruthless nature when angered. Her aspect Erzulie Dantor is a fierce protector

of women and children, an avenger of domestic violence, and a patron loa of

lesbians.

Yemayá (Yemoja, Iemanja)

Yemayá is the Mother of the Seven Seas, the Creation Goddess, and

Santeria Orisha of fertility and motherhood. She offers protection to women.

She is likened to the patron saints Lady of Regla, and Mary, Star of the Sea.

Often depicted as a mermaid, she is associated with the moon, ocean, and

female mysteries. She rules the subconscious and creative endeavors. As such,

she is the governess of the household and of matters pertaining to women

including childbirth, conception, childhood safety, love, and healing.

Extremely compassionate and merciful, Yemayá rules the dreamtime,

oversees the Moon, deep secrets, ancient wisdom, salt water, sea shells, and

the collective unconscious.

According to legend, Yemayá originated in Egypt as the Goddess

Isis. It is thought by some that the Nubian slaves who returned to different

parts of Africa may have brought Isis with them under the new name of

Yemayá. Myth has it that Yemayá gave birth to the 14 Yoruban Goddesses

and Gods. When her uterine waters broke, it caused a great flood creating the

oceans. The first human man and woman were borne from her womb.

Yemayá goes by a number of different names including Queen of

Witches, Mother of Fishes, The Constantly Changing Woman, The Ocean

Mother, Mother of Dreams and Secrets, Mother of Pearl, and Yemayá-

Olokun (powerful dream aspect). Yemayá’s counterpart in Vodoun is called

Lasiren, the mermaid. She is related to Mamiwata (Mamma Water), the

African water-spirit. Lasiren’s symbols are a mirror and comb.

There is a common legend about Yemayá choosing her own

students; occasionally someone will disappear, sometimes for seven years, and

return with tales of having learned the ways of magick and healing in her

undersea dwelling. Her offerings are often doves, but never fish, as these are

considered her children.

"I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road"

Could You Take My Picture... Cuz I Won't Remember

I don't retain visuals very well... if I didn't have pictures I wouldn't be able to remember what I've seen...

I could describe it using other senses... like if I was to describe the beach that I grew up at I know that the sand was always hot on my feet in the summer but when I would walk along the water line of the lake it would always be so nice and cool that it would make me smile... I could describe the pungent odour of the seaweed and dead fish that would wash up on the shore and rot there...

I could describe to you how I would close my eyes and look up at the sun and smile at the warmth upon my skin and the glowing red behind my eyelids... or even the smell of the fresh water and the cool breeze off the lake... or the cool water upon my skin and the shock that diving in off of the pier would give me... how it felt though for that moment my heart had stopped and my lungs collapsed... how bursting back up above the water line and inhaling deeply afterward would make me feel alive like nothing else...

in detail I could go on about how I always loved swimming under the water because the silence was near deafening and yet I couldn't get enough of it... how the love I have for that beach is what makes me want to live on an ocean or lakefront piece of property for the rest of my life and how I miss it...

However...

I can't really describe the the details of how it all looked... it's fuzzy... like if I try to picture it, it's like trying to watch a tv channel that's scrambled... I'm just not a very visual person...
it's generally why I have a camera in my hand... why I take so many pictures of things that people would quirk a brow at and wonder why that was so important... why I take pictures of my friends and my loved ones... I don't want to forget what they look like... I want to be able to recall the green flecks in their eyes and how they sparkle when the light touches them... how their smile makes me smile... I can't see that in my mind... I have to look at the pictures...

I instead remember in great detail how things made me feel... the emotion attached to it... the smells.. the tastes... but moreso how things feel to me and how they made me feel... I remember that sand on my feet... the feel of the cold water...I remember that stuff... which I think is sometimes worse...

Not remembering exactly how the smile was and how it made the dimple in their cheek... but remembering instead how it made my feel inside when that smile was just for me... when I was the only one that would get to see that smile...

Sure I can remember in great detail what someone was wearing when we first met... but not because I 'picture' it in my minds eye but because I remember the texture of the shirt beneath my hands when I hugged them or the roughness of the dark denim jeans when I would touch their knee in conversation...

Pictures are important to me... without them I forget where I've been and how beautiful it was... I forget what shade of hazel your eyes are... or how dark or light your hair was... I forget the brilliant colours in the curtains or how purple the chairs are...

Visuals fade for me... I have a feeling that's why I always thought as a small child I was going to go blind... I learned to adapt in our house by age 6 should I go blind the next day... I would walk around with my eyes shut or as I got older I would blindfold myself and find my way around the house... I love my vision and I hope never to lose it... but I don't think I'll ever be able to train my brain to remember pictures... and this makes me sad...

It probably seems like a really silly thing to be sad about but it does... when you don't get to see someone or something often enough and they fade from your visual memory you'll understand why it is that I get sad about such a silly thing... and why I take so many pictures.

H.I.S.

New Game... Beta Testing... Wee Fun...

Figure I should something else to do to occupy my time...

H.I.S

Dwyvach on the Allied team...

Relay For Life

The things I'll apparently do for my country... and for people I love(d)... and for those in need...

I will apparently push myself to the point of not being able to walk...

I participated in the Relay for Life Cancer Walk on Friday night... it's an event that goes from 7pm until 7am... and you have a team of people that takes turns going around the track for the 12 hours... after having raised money for the Cancer Society...

I can't walk now without wincing in pain ... but I'm already thinking that I'd like to get together a team for next year...

If you never play me... Promise not to bluff... I'll hold you down when shit gets rough

I blame it on The Man... because I can and it is his fault...

Since he's taught me that honesty is the best and only possible policy... I've gone kinda gung ho about it... I will edit/purge/delete people from my life for lying... I would rather hear the truth then anything else... the truth doesn't hurt anywhere near as much as a lie...

Big Daddy and I had that discussion... you can do and say pretty much anything as long as you don't lie even if you think you're sparing my feelings... I would much rather hear the truth...

It hurt me to find out that I had been lied to and about... and then it pissed me off...

"Cause a real man knows a real woman when he sees her

And a real woman knows a real man

Ain't 'fraid to please her

And a real woman knows a real man always comes first

And a real man just can't deny

A woman's worth"

I loved you Narkie... but I can't have that shit... I hope you'll understand...

I'll never be the same...if we ever meet again

Ever since I can remember I've written... whether it be thoughts, feelings, stories... I would get so consumed with the need that I would have to stop and just let it all out...

So needless to say I have a lot of notebooks laying around the house... I just came across one in my books that is 'Ancient' it's from that time before the Man... for those who don't know... I've been with the Man for 12 years...

So yeah, I came across this notebook and found a few passages written in it from what feels like a gazillion years ago... I've decided to share one of the passages from it...

If I think about it (my past) and I look at it from a guy's point of view, I'm used goods with two and a half fucktons of baggage.

People who don't know or understand or care about me, don't know what a fun ride they're missing.

If People Only Knew!

The way I cry for my babies, the way I scream at my rapists, the way I cry while listening to a really sad song, the way I feel like a part of me dies each time I cry, If only they knew; that I may be dying of cancer, that sometimes I secretly wish I were dead or never born, that when I'm angry I can kill, If they knew; all the people that I've hurt on purpose, or how I hurt myself on purpose, or how I used to be addicted to drugs and alcohol, or about how I had my innocence raped out of me by a drunk, how I had my dignity and pride raped away from me.
If they knew how I got brutally beaten for almost two years of my life, or how I've been repeatedly told all my life I wasn't good enough to eat shit - by the opposite sex. Or if they knew how the only thing I strive and long for is to be held by the man I truly love, or how I weep while thinking - yes just thinking.

Or if they knew how I wish I could just be me without someone asking me what's wrong.
If only they knew - Who I am?

How I love animals and music, or how I love babies and the colour blue, or that I love cuddling with people I love, and baggy jogging pants with fuzzy slippers, or how I love funny movies that make me cry and flowers.

Instead people know the girl that smokes too much, dyes her hair, drinks too much, belches in public, loves sex or the girl that threatens (out of fear), the girl that wears and loves silver jewelery and always wants more, a girl who is well endowed and flaunts it.
But they never see me.

All I want is someone who understand when I want to left alone, or need a hug or when I'm needing someone to talk to and don't know how to ask, or when I'm needing some loving.
However it seems I want too much...
So nobody will ever know - me.

What a Girl Needs..

It's very true...

Girls, Females, Women, Chicks, Gals... they love... romantic comedies, love letters, songs picked out because the lyrics mean something, romantic dinners/gestures...

we want the man of our dreams to fall for us so hard that they'll do 'silly' things that might embarrass them...

we want our men to dote on us... not necessarily with gifts... but with attention and love...

letters that reveal the very soul of the man... words that ring true about their feelings for us...

we want that surprise dinner that you made and lit with candles... whether it pizza or grilled lobster tails... that's not the point... it's the gesture... the effort...

we want the cuddles in the dark, with the whispers of how much we mean to you as we drift off to sleep...

we want the compliments... we'll wave them off.. but inside we're blushing and gushing like school girls...

we want to giggle with our girlfriends about how fantastic you are and listen to them go 'd'aww' as they realize what a great catch you are...

we want sappy text messages to our phones, or emails, or IM's, or our FB's...

we want to know that you think about us when we're not around...

we also want to know that we make you horny, that the thought of us naked in your arms gives you wood...

we are very literal creatures... even if we speak in code to you sometimes...

I've always thought of myself as low maintenance because I've never really been the type that expects a man to pay to get my hair done, get my nails done, I don't demand expensive meals...etc...

But apparently I'm higher maintenance then I had thought from what I've been told... because I ask for ... time.

I guess for some that is a bit much... easier to leave the little woman with the charge card and go off to wherever I suppose... I don't want the charge card... hate those things actually... but... I want a bit of time...

few moments of time to write an email to tell me that I'm loved... a couple seconds to call and say 'I was thinking about you'... a minute or two to let me know I was missed... an hour maybe to hang out...

maybe I am high maintenance... because I don't want the material shit that can be bought and thrown out... I want heart and soul and realism...

when I was 16 I would joke about finding a rich old guy with one foot in the grave do some nasty shit for a couple years with him and then have his money to buy whatever I wanted... my oh my... how life will have you changing your mind about things...

Man I gotta stop blogging after watching romantic comedies... maybe I should have watched Zombie Strippers with the Man tonight instead...

**late addition to list of wants**

We want a man that's willing to fight... fight off big bad guys for us... and fight for us... but not with us... *laughs*

The Rush Is Worth The Price I Pay... I Get So High When You're With Me... But Crash And Crave You When You Are Away

*still giggling*

so I had this interesting dream last night...

because of my natural affinity to music... ok my obsession with it... I end up hearing songs that any woman would want to know that their man would sing it to them or when they hear them think of their woman...

I have quite the list of songs like that.. maybe I'll put it up one day... but anyway... so last night's dream involved a musical number... which also makes me think I had been watching too much Glee lately...

So anyway... I of course being even still after more then a year am a bit in secure when it comes to Big Daddy, not nearly as much since our talk in Reno, but you know just a bit...

So in the dream I had gone to visit him and of course the old song and dance of a conversation comes up again... but rather then just talking he suddenly starts singing... a strange montage of songs...

Joe Cocker - Ain't No Sunshine

B.O.B - Nothin' On You

Bryan Adams - Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman

Yeah it was odd but really sweet at the same time... I couldn't help but wake up giggling lightly...

Certainly is a way to get any female to blush and get all warm and fuzzy feeling... sing to her or with her... even if it happens to be in the car... especially... then it's just the two of ya and no one else will hear...

unless you have a convertible... lol

Time Is On My Side.... Yes It Is.

I think it's safe to say that everyone has heard the term

"Inner clock" or 'biological clock' or something a bout a persons own timetable...

and how it's trainable or how it can be reset...

You know so a person will be able to get up at a certain time each day, eat dinner at a certain time each day blah blah blah...

Well even before all this infertility stuff I always knew there was something wrong with my bio-clock... I've never been able to 'set' or 'train' it so that I was on a regular schedule of some sort...

Until I realized that it is kind of on it's own schedule and that it's schedule just doesn't coincide with the one I wish for.

I've always gotten up... on my own without an alarm clock at around 11 or noon ... I've always gotten hungry at 8pm... and I've never really gotten tired until 3am...

As any who really care and read this know... I just recently went on a trip to Reno Nevada.

It wasn't until after that trip when I was talking to an aunt of mine that I realized... my biological clock seems to be set for the west coast timezone (PST)...

It was strange at first until I really thought about it... while in Reno I was waking up at about 9am... getting hungry about 5ish... and would be tired and willing to go to bed at about midnight (though I didn't really get to bed at midnight any of the nights there)...

So after coming to this realization I looked at my aunt a bit surprised and said "Am I living in the wrong timezone?" which of course she responded with 'probably' .... but it really made me think...

I mean as a child living on the other side of the country California seems exotic and cool and the place to be according to TV and movies... but I had always had a bigger draw to go south, not west... I'd always wanted to be able to visit Cali but had never really had the want to live there... that want always fell to Louisiana... don't ask I still don't know why but I'm sure I'll figure it out if I ever get to go visit...

So now I just sort of wonder... there are people that swear that they've been born and raised in the wrong century... is it possible that I was born and raised in the wrong time zone?