Fickle and Deadly.

Jax: You need to calm down and think clearly
Tara: I've never been more clear in my life.
Jax: Yeah, Rage feels like that.

I have Love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and Rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one I will indulge the other.

I do not like being lied to, I don't think anyone really does. When you lie to someone you're insulting their intelligence. When you lie to them you never know what your own tells are. You might have one that people notice that you don't even realize, which then just makes you look like an idiot for trying to lie in the first place.

There is a calmness that comes when you are enraged, it takes a minute to find it. Generally in that calmness is when the plotting starts. It's human nature to want to take revenge on those who have wronged you in some way. Most of us try to rise above that and let it pass us by, because it may not be worth the fight, or the consequences would be too grand.

I generally prefer to choose words. They can be some of the most hurtful things that you can do to someone. Words stick with people and they roll around in their brains and gnaw away at they're self worth. I've not cut anyone down in a really long time with my words and am not even sure if I could anymore. So many times I've turned the other cheek that I'm running out of cheeks to turn.

It's very quiet and serene today, as I sit on the second floor balcony. Listening to the children playing at the school  and park, and listen to the hum of the vehicles that go by. The sun is shining down on my face and I'm finally starting to get warm again. I can hear a dog barking in the distance and can't help but wonder if my Zuulie-Bear misses me.
My ankle hurts. I don't know why, I've not been nearly as active here as I have been at home.

Every few moments I just stop, close my eyes, take a deep breath and let the calmness take me over again.

There's things I'd like to say.  Things I can't quite put into words yet. Things I'd like to do. Things I worry about, things I'm trying to let go of. Worry is such a waste and yet I do it so much.
I wish it was just as easy as stopping....but it really isn't.

I worry about how things will be when I'm gone.

Why should I care, I'll be gone. Never to be heard from or seen again. So why should I worry?

*shrug*

I don't know but I still do.

Love is fickle. Very very fickle.

And nearly as deadly as Hope.