Sleepless in Reno...(just doesn't have the same ring to it)

Sometimes I can't sleep.

No big surprise.

Sometimes I go to sleep and a few hours later my body is telling me to wake up for no good reason. It happens.

I usually get up and make myself a cup of tea and have a smoke, and then back to bed I go.

Here I'm so worried about waking Bing up that there's been a couple of nights where I just laid in bed for hours not moving so that I didn't wake him up.

And going out for a smoke is hard because there's a woman's voice that pretty much announces what door has just been opened in the house. I checked...it even does it for the patio door off of the master bedroom. Which pretty much wakes him up anytime the voice goes off. Usually she says 'Back Door' because that's the one I generally go outside by.

It's now just before 3  in the morning here, which means it's nearly 6 at home, almost time for the Man to get up, take the dog out, get the Boychild ready for school...

I'm downstairs in the kitchen having just tried to make the world's quietest cup of tea.

Dunno if when I'm done I'll try to slip out the back door, well as I said above whether I go out quietly it doesn't matter that woman will still announce what door I've just opened.

Bing got real  mad at me yesterday... *sighs*

I knew I probably should have just kept my observations and opinions to myself. I just really don't want to see him get stuck in a situation that he didn't see coming because we all know how blind love can be. I should have known better because I'm not exactly well known for sugar coating things. So I just made his day way more stressful then it could've been. 

However, he also has to see that even though this woman that he likes is having some 'issues' in her personal life with her husband. It's not exactly all rainbows and butterflies over here in my world. 

I've been trying really hard to keep everything under wraps and not spasm out too much, lord have mercy should I be too dramatic. 

I realized last night that I was barely keeping shit contained when I was watching the latest episode of Sons of Anarchy and started bawling my eyes out when Opie died. I mean I really get into the show but wow. I also realized shits barely being contained when I have two drinks and am really tipsy. Like, weird giggly tipsy.

Bing says that even if I don't believe him that he will miss me when I'm gone. It's not like I'll ever know. He's always played the majority of his emotions real close to the vest. So it's not like I'll get a random note from him somewhere down the line that says 'I Miss You'

I dunno.

I really do believe that his life will get way easier without me in it. As sad as that makes me, since he's my best friend as well as someone I love with all my heart. I'm left floundering a bit with the idea of I won't have him to talk to when shit hits the fan. He always has had this weird way of calming me down. Even while here and while dealing with all of this for the most part I've stayed rather calm.
No where near like at home when I would be venting at The Man, usually loudly.

I am smoking more here though, I don't like it. I know that Bing definitely doesn't like it, always making comments about my gross habit, but I've sort of gotten to this point of shrugging and thinking really doesn't matter what you think anymore.

Stuff like that used to sway my decisions on stuff. Now though, I'm shifting my thinking so that he's not quite so involved with them anymore.

I strapped on some gloves and went a few rounds with the punching bag that Bing has (again). If I'm going to continue to do that to burn off stress I seriously need to go buy some tape and tape up my knuckles beforehand, if not to save my knuckles then to save the punching bag. The knuckles on my index fingers and the one middle finger are all skinned and from what I noticed the bag is just covered in a couple of spots from my blood. I gotta say it's a great fucking stress reliever. Almost as good as skating was.

Talking about skating I have a feeling when I go talk to the doc about my ankle he's not going to give me the green light to get back on my skates for a while. The last couple of days here, my ankle has been downright killing me, it gets a bit swollen but also gets a constant stabbing pain. I'm not sure if that's just emotional pain manifesting physically or I've just been working it that much harder then I normally would... or maybe both. But I don't feel like I'm working it any harder then I have before.

Also I've totally been lacking on my stretches that Dr Awesome has given me to do...I'm starting to feel it. So tomorrow...err...today... I'm going to have to set some time aside so I can do them. Should probably do some of the ankle stretches too since I haven't really been doing those here either.

Apparently I'm still getting a work out but seems mostly 'cardio' ... I had lost 7 lbs in seven days... not my greatest weight loss... think that happened my second trip to South Carolina... but then again this trip isn't over yet... so I'll keep tallying...
Brought my measuring tape with me so that I can still do my weigh-in on the first...although it's a different scale from home so not sure how far off it might be.

Unfortunately, half of Bing's leave was revoked for next week, so he still has to go into work on Monday and Tuesday, but it could have been a lot worse, so not complaining (too much) ;)

Gah...I wish I could stop coughing. I had a flare up of allergies when I got here and haven't been able to shake this damn cough. Which apparently my coughing down here just woke Bing up as he was just up asking me about how I am.
He asks that a lot, lol, it's kind of cute. He really needs to stop worrying about me, and I assume the worry will fade after I've gone and we've not spoken for awhile.
 Just explained that I made a cup of tea because I couldn't sleep, to which he made a comment about trying to lose a lung. I'm sure he'll roll his eyes when he hears the back door open so I can go outside for a smoke in a minute.

Sometimes you need a warm cup of tea and a smoke to un-pretzel your brain. Non-smokers and non-tea drinkers don't get that.

Just had part of smoke...think I can sleep now.