Wednesday, September 01, 2010

I'm Worth Every Fucking Mile, Why Don't You Think So?!

Chillin with my friend Sauza this evening... because last night I visited with his friend Vex...

why am I hanging with these guys again... because it's easier...

easier then let out the questions that have been bothering me... not wanting to cause any conflict... walking on egg shells can cause a bit of pain after while... so I need to hang with them to just numb everything and let it all fade away a bit...

biting my tongue and tying my fingers from going off about a bunch of stuff is hard on me... and I'm sure he'd be encouraging me to say what's on my mind but I don't want to because I don't want him to withdraw and decide that it's not worth the hassle.

So instead I'm letting Sauza just take that all away and let me keep telling myself... that he obviously has his reasons that he's just not sharing...

So as I open a second one I sit here just thinking about all kinds of good stuff ... smiles, chuckles, laughs... hugs, lovings, kisses... sitting here thinking about how my babies have grown and all the good times I've had with them...

after talking with the landlady today I am a bit nervous and it doesn't help to add more stress to me right now...

I would like appliances that work... haven't had a working dryer since we moved in... the furnace is 30 yrs old, I'd like to be able to properly heat my house this winter... *scoffs* if we're still here.

one sec...

when you do a shot are you supposed to just suck the lemon or actually eat it? hmm *shrugs*

I eat them.

Told Krammit that if I won the lottery I'd buy a sailboat for Big Daddy for his next birthday... then laughed and said that he probably wouldn't accept the gift. Also said I'd buy this house, fix it and not have to worry about a landlord ever again...

Know what I want to do for my next birthday? it's no surprise... I want what I want every day... to spend time with Big Daddy again for a few days...
Also would like to have my other foot tat done... somehow I doubt either are likely... Sauza tells me to hold out for hope on both fronts... then I drink him and he says no more.

Know what I was doing a year ago...? *grins and laughs* I do...and not sharing... one other knows... that's enough.

God Damn Mother Fucker Shit Balls and Cunt Sticks!!

the guy I wanted to win Master Chef just got sent home :(

oh yeah I'm totally all over the place and distracted by all sorts of things...

when drinking I should just probably stay away from the computer... but instead I find that I have more to say... you know the getting rid of filters and all that...

the a lot of drinking post are a bit more disjointed...

and I know at least one person who is going to frown at the fact that I'm drinking right now... but I have to say that at least I'm not smoking up as well... and I'm not getting totally shit faced wasted... just feeling good... well if good means numb... then yeah.

seriously who shaves their crotch while their driving.. ???

though I have to admit I do have the munchies though...

I love my cats but I have to admit I'm getting sick and tired of the house smelling like a litter box... the Man cleans the box every few days and yet the stupid cats... not sure which one... continues to decide to piss on the floor and pretty much anything on the floor...

I'm getting tired of it and yet still have love for the freakin things.

*sighs* and now my damn tool bar isn't hiding properly...

I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I don't matter to anyone unless they're bored and have nothing else to do, no one else to talk to... no one waits for my calls... no one wonders what's happened to me... no one gives me a second thought until I pop up in front of them...

meh.

I need to get a shooting game... at times like this I want to shoot someone... and people think I dislike guns... truth is... if I was a guy they'd give me wood... and make me want to eat a steak after pounding the shit out of a womans nethers... *laughs*

I just want to lash out at the world...

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