Some seem to think that this whole exercise thing is sudden... it really isn't... I have been working out every day since I got back home again from Reno in May.
At first it was for a really really dumb reason... but it was motivation nonetheless for me to get up and start moving my ass and try to get it smaller...
It was dumb because it started Friday night at the hotel in Reno... after dinner walking past some people in the hotel who were lined up to go into the night club portion... short fat me in my baggy jeans and hoodie walking past these tall leggy hawt women who were standing there... it was enough to make me feel really self-conscious....
It continued when we went to the other casinos and were walking around taking in some sights... other beautiful walking about...passing me and making me feel really self conscious...
It wasn't enough to put a damper on my visit or anything but it was nagging me in the back of my head.
So I figured instead of sitting about moping about the fact that they had in fact made me feel really fat, I would do something about it. So every day I spent half an hour each day working out on my own.
Having a back ground in dancing and martial arts I knew how so I didn't exactly need someone holding my hand or to go to some class that would just make me feel fat.
In August I asked my sister if I could borrow her Wii Fit so that I could try out an actual routine on it to see how I liked it. She said no. However, I ended up getting lucky, the Man's mum ended up buying me one as an earlier birthday present.
So I've used the Wii Fit nearly every day since I got it... I've set goals and achieved them... I'm feeling fitter... it's hard to explain... to me I don't see any outward differences but inside I'm starting to feel just a bit tighter.
I wake up each day in pain... I roll out of bed and force myself to do my workout... and as I've been doing that I'm also becoming more aware of what I'm putting in my mouth when I have something to eat.
I'm trying to shop and cook healthier... I'm choosing to make myself a better healthier person.
It's helping to keep my depression at bay... I know I have it... I have for years... it gets worse when I don't get what I want... when I don't know what's going on... when I think something is coming to an end... when I think that I'm about to lose something... when I feel things slipping from me... when I feel myself starting to go numb...
exercising has taken over the cutting or the other methods that I would use to get it so I was no longer feeling numb...
as someone has told me recently how emo and lame... I know. but when all you want to do is feel after being numbed by something... that's just sometimes how it goes...
While I do some of the repetitive movements during the step aerobics portion of my workout I face a book case next to my TV... we have a book collection called 'The Value of...' it's a series of books on the values that everyone should learn as a child...
I stare at the titles as I work out... the value of... Determination, Believing in Yourself, Discipline, Honesty, Love, Facing a Challenge, Truth and Trust... I've been reading them to the Boychild each night before he goes to bed...
The ones I stare at the most are the Determination, Discipline, Facing a Challenge, Believing in Yourself and Truth and Trust bindings the most while working out... figure those are the ones I need right now the most... in a couple different areas of my life...
I'm quite confident that everything will work out... I will have pitfalls and need my loved ones to help pick me up again... but as long as they love me then I'll be ok... so far they've generally been quite supportive...
So 5 things I'm changing...
Cutting out Soda
No eating 3 hrs before bed
Exercising for at least 10 mins/day
No snacks that are larger then my fist (so no eating a whole bag of chips in one sitting)
Tracking my weight everyday
We'll see how it goes.
Once I hit my goal I might just post a before and after... depending on how sexy and over confident I'm feeling. As of right now I'm disgusted with the before picture and peek at it every time I feel hungry.
Though I'm starting to notice that after I exercise I don't want to eat... it's not that I don't feel hungry... it's that I just am finding it illogical... I'm working at trying to lose weight and then it feels dumb to eat something after ward... I'm not about to start starving myself... though I can totally understand why those with anorexia feel that food is evil...
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