So Why Get Excited Then?

I had started this really dumb blogpost about remembering how today was the day that Big Daddy left a year ago... and I had started to get sort of emotional about it... only because I still miss him...

But really I suppose it's dumb to get all emotional about something that happened a year ago...

So instead...

I know it's probably really lame to still get excited about my birthday like a little kid... but I really do... I have some plans with my sister set up but not much beyond that...

I dunno is it strange that I'm turning 32 and looking forward to it?

I suppose a lot of people will think that's lame but... I dunno... I guess I'm sort of lame, hell i've already been called weird, crazy, insane among many other things.

Last year for my birthday I ended up at the Dixieland stampede with my sister and some guy I barely knew down in Tennessee... at least I'll be around my whole family this birthday... the two birthdays before the last one my mom and sister weren't even in the same province with me.

I still get a bit bitter when I think about how when my sister and man turned 30 they got taken to Medieval Times and when I turned 30 I didn't even get a phone call from my mom and sister who were out celebrating my aunts birthday in Saskatchewan rather then being here.

When my sister turned 18 she got a party at a hall and all her friends and family were there...when I turned 18 I was given a card.

I don't think my mom has ever sat down and thought about what's happened during my birthdays and how I might feel.

I know I don't say anything about how I've felt about them... but because in the grand scheme of things I know that my birthday isn't important to anyone but me.

I know that the Man will try to make sure that I have a good day and I know that the Boychild will hug me and say happy birthday...Big Daddy and the Manchild likely won't even remember that it's my birthday until the next time they talk to me... but in all likelihood I'll get all excited that it's my birthday and then go to bed feeling meh about it...

I know that I won't get anywhere near the facebook messages that I got last year wishing me a happy birthday because I set it so only I can see that portion of my profile...

So whatever happens and whom ever remembers my birthday, I'm going to make the best of it.

starting tomorrow.

as soon as I get rid of this nasty headache that's been plaguing me for the last few days.