Shallow Moments...

I saw something this weekend that nearly made me lose my lunch. So I was quite thankful that I hadn't eaten for quite awhile.

I went into the bathroom while at the hotel the other night and was not so pleasantly surprised by the naked fat chick in the mirror.

Ok so it's not like I was deluded prior to that about my weight or how I look/ed

However... as I stood there for a moment I really took a look and was not very happy.

I don't think some realize that once you start losing weight one of the main things that happens when you start losing weight is the stretch marks don't go away, they tend to get worse and skin doesn't just go back to where it was when weight is lost.

The only way to fully appreciate the yuckiness of it all is... well  I'd have to post a pic and do the whole sports caster pointing out what I'm talking about and I think that it would just be best for everyone's sanity, gastrointestinal health and long term memory if I just let it go there and not try to describe it in full graphic detail.

So needless to say I stood there for a few moments with a disappointed look on my face and the thought of I doubt I'll ever believe anyone who sees me naked and says that I'm sexy.

I once had a conversation with another woman who also likes both men and women. She said that she found stretch marks sexy, I understand that because I have no issues with them, but the ones that seem to carve into the torso, leaving deep gashes across my abdomen...and lower... *shakes head* not so sexy to me.  I agree that stretch marks can actually be a bit of a turn on and quite sexy and fun to play with during foreplay and exploration... *trails that thought off...*

The more the weight shifts around on me...away from my stomach and to other parts of my body... the more my stomach looks worse to me. I know that we're always the most critical on ourselves but I can't help but wonder.

I know that I joke around about being adorable and cute and other things but that's because that's about as far as it goes... sexy just seems foreign to me, probably why I tell people that they need glasses and things like that.

I generally only get undressed in the dark now when I'm going to bed... or wear something to bed...

I'm glad about losing weight and being healthier ... not really happy about how it's making me look though.

I know probably really shallow sounding... but it's just been on my mind I suppose...

I've been known to take some naughty pictures and send them to Big Daddy... but even with those it's a case of that part of me stays covered...