*sigh*

I've noticed that I sigh a lot...I sigh when I'm happy, sad, depressed, angry....hmmm.... I do sigh a lot...why is that? It doesn't really help anything...it's just a natural reaction to ...well... everything

I"m sittin here watchin a movie with the kids and Shadow and watchin my cable modem light blink at me....just one...stupid connection has been going down all friggin day...

ok so apparently this entry is the one where I'm just gonna ramble until my modem comes back online and then post this silly message that has no point...

In this movie a little ball of iron was found in a boar that made him go crazy and become a hate filled demon of rage... I'm sure there is a ball like that in each and everyone of us... the sizes of course will differ... If each of us knows where to find that little ball of iron than maybe we can contain it and keep it from growing into a bigger ball and consuming us...inturn turning us into hate filled demons of rage...

Man... there are these cute little tree guardians in this movie...damn what the fuck is this movie...hrmph now I need to stand up and get the movie case...lol

Got It... Princess Mononoke... it's anime but not that really annoying anime you find in some places...but anyway...
ok this movie is just freakin weird...

I look at Shadow and realize in three weeks I won't be able to touch him, pet him, brush his hair, watch him shave, this saddens me...and makes my heart hurt...sometimes I look at him and I just want to cry, because I will not have the closeness with him that I have had for so many many years... I feel as tho I'm losing my best friend...I'm feeling like one of my arms or legs are being removed...
the way I figure it is I have 3 weeks... to enjoy the company...bask in his loveliness...and keep grounded by/thru him... after I leave our communications probably will be limited and our physical connection will be nil... I will miss my Shadow, he will always be part of me...more then he will ever know...probably more than he ever would have even guessed... my heart hurts so very very much...no one understands just how much it hurts and how much it will hurt for a long time... My Shadow and I shall be together within each others lives again.... we always have been...haven't we my friend?...

my cable modem light is on...I think I shall wipe my tears and post this while it's still possible...