Ramblings Of A Drunken Rae....

**WARNING just got home from Toronto-Possibilities of the "I Love You Man" Syndrome**

ok so on the way to the bar I was thinking "nah I won't drink anything so I can drive home" BAHAHA... if theres something I dislike more then buses it's driving down Younge St on a friday fucking night...

walked in and immediately asked for a drink after finding who we were looking for...

and proceeded to down 3 more very quickly after the intial one...

sometimes I wonder why I go up to toronto for the gatherings when he's leaving town after visiting... I don't really know anybody but him... I mean I know a couple of people to say "hi how's it going? cool..." but thats about it... *shrug* it's to see him... even if I don't get to talk to him very much during the night...

an hour and a half to get there.... an hour and a half to get home... two hours there...
most people would say I was nuts... most people who know me know I am...

"...I love you always forever, near and far, closer together, everywhere I will be with you... everything I will do for you... you've got the most stumbling brown eyes I've ever seen..."

why do I do this....

I'm just the little gnome, one of santas lil elves... I'm the one that hears about the ones that got away, the ones that didn't, and the mishaps in between...

makes me a lil sad...

I remember the times of drivng up for a hockey game, or going to dinner, or birthday parties, or just to hang out...
I remember New Years Eve/Day... visits down here at 3am just because... breakfast... going to bad strip joints... rescuing me from the side of the road...

The girlfriends... the hoity toity... the bitch... the stuck up...
The lonely times where there weren't any...

He's a wonderful guy... has beautiful eyes... great sense of humour...

sometimes I wonder...
just where I fit in...

aquaintence, friend, good friend, close friend, confidant, bestfriend.... more... less...

it doesn't matter...

I've said that for the past few days now... it doesn't matter...

as long as I can call him my friend... to me he is very special... more than he knows...

"...well excuse me guess I mistaken you for somebody else, somebody who gave a damn, somebody more like myself, these foolish games are tearing me, you're tearing me apart and your thoughtless words are breaking my heart..."

what I want doesn't matter...

if only he knows that I wish him the best and miss him... and hopes that he'll keep coming home... and I'll always be here if he needs me...

yeah apparently I'm in one of the mushy drunken moods... but fuck you if you don't like it :P

I can't say any of this to him because he'd probably think I had gone nuts... we don't get to mushy...

aww fuck it I gotta go before it gets any worse...

I don't want you to go.