Who fucking said I need your help? Did I ask you for it? Did I once saw Hey you over there can you stick up for me? NO I didn't...thats right...I didn't...

See the difference between me and you is that I don't give a fuck about what people think of me....you on the other hand ...you constantly crave attention, affection, love, support and all that bullshit...wake the fuck up you dumbass this is that the land of rainbows and lollipops...this is the real fucking world...the one where most people don't give two fuckin shits what you think, what you like, or even what the fuck happens to you...

I don't ask for help all that often...why you ask...well I'll let you know...because people don't fucking care...there are three people in my life that truly care about my well being...and I let them in on that...you are SO not one of them... why? well because frankly you disgust me...ha ha ha take that and fucking smoke it...

why would you care about what happens in my life? *waiting* uh huh thats what I thought...you really don't you just want to see if I'm worse off than you...so that you can smile and say well hell at least thats not me... you sick twisted fuck...why don't you pay a little more attention to your own fucked up life and get the fuck out of mine...

I was just called a coward for getting on a plane and running to another country...LOL I find that funny...because I never once denied it....not once... everyone has their flaws...mine happen to be that I have a huge problem with commitment and the gods thought it would be funny it make me choose one commitment or the other...Karma so sucks ass sometimes...LOL but I can't do anything but laugh about it now...what else am I going to do?? worry? fuck that..I'm sick of worrying...it makes me look really old....I don't liike it...
so what am I going to do about it? fucked if I know....seriously...I have no fucking clue...LOL If I knew then I would be doing it...

I had an interesting conversation this morning at about 2 or 3 this morning....i realized that I'm used to little changes...moving within the same region...even having kids...those were little changes for me....now I'm faced with a huge one and I've been dicking around about it...why?...I'm not quite sure to tell you the truth...I guess Huge change scares the crap out of me...and huge changes usually cost a lot in many senses... *sigh* what should I do?? I dunno...do you?
what would you do?
thats unfair of me isn't it?....yeah well it's not like I'm going to do something just because you said it would be what you do...

man I'm fucking tired..I haven't slept since 10 pm last night...then had a three hour car ride to the airport....than caught two planes...and another hour car ride home....

it has not been cool....everything here is louder...colder... it seems more "in your face"
I've been pacing like a caged cat...back and forth back and forth....
I haven't been able to retain a single thought for more than a nano second...
and I'm supposed to have a "talk" sometime soon this evening....egad...
I can barely remember the last sentence I typed...let alone string a coherent thought to explain my actions...
Maybe I'll just go to bed...and get some sleep...highly unlikely but it was a good thought while it lasted...

whew...ok ...yeah I'm going to bed...just started dozing at the keyboard....