Ok so I'm back...

I've been so tired ....like I have never felt before... why can't I just get enough rest to feel good again?

I've been completely honest with Shadow and thats all that matters right now...

and he has just had to deal with the answer of "I don't know" ... Gods love him he is such a saint...

my baby is gone now...he left yesterday..I miss his cute little face...he is turning into such a big boy...

I've completely fallen in love with the song This Love by Maroon5...it's like it was written about me ...LOL

I'm supposed to be packing today...Shadow is gone to work and everyone else that was helping him while I was gone have all left...so I am all by myself today...which is fine with me...I'm sick of having to talk to people...sick of them looking at me sideways....sick of them trying to figure out what I'm up too by being here...sick of them judging me...I've stopped trying to explain myself to them...as long as Shadow knows whats going on in my head all is good...the ones who are directly involved with me are the ones who know whats going on and thats good enough for me...

I'm done trying to make people who don't care about what happens to me understand what is going on....
yeah yeah yeah my actions affect many many people but you know what...I don't care about all of them...I only care about my immediate family...and there are some of them that aren't "family" per se...everyone that is showing the fake caring just want to know how my actions are going to affect them... selfish bastards...

people have told Shadow to not allow me to stay with him...they've told him to kick me out...they've told him that I'm putting on an act and that I don't actually love him...they've told him to get a lawyer...they've told him to make me do this or do that...he's such a sweetheart...he's told them all to mind their own business and to pretty much fuck off...or he tunes them out... THEY HAVE NO IDEA what the two of us have been going thru...who are they to judge us...oh thats right...they are the people that cast judgment and throw stones when they are almost like me...

the human race sickens me...I hate you all...all you people that are fake, stupid, judgmental, back stabbers, gossips etc..

it's almost like people get off on others misfortunes, problems and so forth...oh my gods people why don't you get off your fucking high horses and look at your own fucking lives...stop comparing my situation to yours...stop telling me that I'm wrong...I don't know that and frankly you don't know that for sure either...

The Bunny has noticed the pattern that Shadow keeps doing...apparently...everytime I've come home Shadow doesn't talk to her all that much outside of work...hmmm why is that I wonder...is it because I don't trust her? is it because he feels guilty about being near her? ...I don't know...but I have to wonder if maybe he talks to her/close to her while I'm gone because he does want her...or because he wants someone to want him and he knows that she does...he's told me that he talks with her because she is the only one that hasn't judged me... Riiiiight like I'm going to believe that...just because she isn't verbalizing it doesn't mean she's not judging...who knows that she's not sitting there giving him the "I completely understand what you are both going thru" look because she wants him to believe that she is sympathizing with him...just so he'll feel close to her and that would make him want her because she is understanding...*laughing*
I'm the first to say that I don't much about her except from what Shadow has told me and from what I've read in her journal...
But I know women in general...and I know that when it comes to something they want you better watch the fuck out because they'll do anything to get it and not feel one bit of remorse about it...
Am I paranoid? maybe...is that a bad thing? no...not when it comes to women... "better safe then sorry" or maybe "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" hmmm...I dunno you pick the cliche for the situation...
Oh well...
Maybe she'll realize that to Shadow I'm more important than she is...

Apparently the meds that the doc has put Shadow on has made him crazy every few days...he says I'm going to be able to witness it first hand the next couple of days...I told him that it better not be as bad as he's told me it is or I'll kick his ass... he's taking a preventative for his migraines...and has to increase the dose every week until he gets to the dosage he's suposed to be at over a 8 week period of time...and every friday he increases the dose and by sunday he starts getting weird...well that will be oh so not good since we're moving this weekend and I would hate to have to kick his ass... but I will if needs be...since I'm in that kind of state of mind right now...

Yep thats right...I'm in the state of mind where if some one makes me mad I'm liable to beat the fucking snot out of them..hence why I'm glad I'm by myself today...I have to put up with my sister and brother in law tomorrow for moving...but hopefully it will be better than last time...*laughing* two years ago when we moved into this house SHadow almost took a round out of my mother...lol...she won't be helping tomorrow...

Anywy...I should get to work got lots to do today...and I'm ready for a nap again already...