Where'd That Come From....

So I've been asked why I post these quiz results...

manly its just for fun.. just to see what kind of answers I'll end up with... and then yes I post them to my blog so that others can see the results... it may be silly but thats me...

Also when I feel like posting something and the words won't come to me it fills the time, taking and also posting the quizzes...

or even the list things I've been posting to my deadjournal... those are just a "get to know me" kind of things...

I know I lead a boring exsistence... I don't always have deep philosphical thoughts... I'm not always conflicted... well ok I am but not anything I can post in this forum or the other...

yes believe it or not there are somethings I keep private....

I wanted my blog to be more then just my daily going ons... I wanted to be able to vent about stuff... I wanted to be able to post my goals, hopes, dreams, my problems... I'm not looking for someone to come by and try to fix me... hell I'd probably cut ya down if you tried...

but now I'm sitting here wondering what happened to all that....

I seem so scatter brained...

I wish for a lot of things... none of which will come to me... I guess I just wish too big... or maybe I wish big because I know that the things I wish for unattainable... that way I won't even try for them...

I was once asked "So how are we going to go about getting you more post secondary education?" .... we?? as if someone could help out with that... like someone is just going to hand me a wad of cash and say you can have this if you go back to school... hells yeah I'd take it... but hell no it's not going to happen... I'm not a school type... but there are some things I'd like to go back for...
I would rather be able to go out and experience stuff... I keep getting this feeling that if I don't do it now then it'll be too late...
I'm only 26 years old... when is it going to be too late? I figure I'm good til I'm at least 40... so why the feeling of urgency? Am I going to die young or something?

I'm scared.... yeah I said it... I'm scared...
I'm scared to do what it is I really want to do.... the fear comes from way back... maybe I won't be good at it... maybe nobody'll be interested... maybe I won't make any money at doing it.... maybe I'll be too good at it.... I won't even tell people what it is I want to do for fear that it will be unsupported by my friends... that would hurt more than anything... that would hurt more than failure.... I've been told that no matter what I want to do I'll be supported... but I know thats not always true...

I've also started noticing that I am starting to care about what people think.... well I can't dress like that or they'll think I'm weird... or I can't tell them this or they'll think I'm nuts... especially the people who are dear to me...
I should practice what I preach... lol... I'm always saying who cares? if thats what you want to do, say, dress, who cares thats who you are....
Time for Rae to wake up and take a dose of that...

eww I just refered to myself in the third person... ick..

I'm proud of what I have overcome thus far in my life.... I could've been so much worse off then now...
overcoming lots... stuff that I see people struggling with... and wishing I could help them...
but I know I could be so much more...