doesn't exactly take the wind out of the sails or anything like that.. but at the same time when you already know what the response will be and that it won't make the person change their behaviour...is it really worth pointing it out?
yeah...probably not...
was up at 7am this morning which I thought was going to be difficult since I didn't get to sleep until after 2am... apparently not... I went to bed angry...I woke up angry... I laid in bed staring at the ceiling for 20 minutes before actually getting out of bed just trying to get into a better mood... it sort of worked... said good bye to the Man as he's headed up to his mothers...again. 9 hour bus trip so that he can be there for a week going and picking up another 24 cords of wood...know how much that is?? yeah it'll likely take the entire time he's there to get it all... making at least 2 to 3 trips per day with the pick up truck...
he will be coming back down with the truck to pick up the boys and I so that we can go up for the weekend (not this weekend...next) so that we can go and spend Thanksgiving with his mom... I've offered to cook dinner for us all... only so I know that everyone will enjoy their dinner... lol
when the Man told his mom that I offered she commented on how sweet I was to offer... his mom loves my cooking... though I'm sure when you don't really know how to cook...
I have an appointment with my new cardiologist today...(in a few hours) I'm a bit nervous... I'm not really good with doctors in the first place... but I get this weird feeling when talking to them that they don't believe half of what I'm saying... which is generally why I take the Man with me to my appointments...I dunno almost to back me up about what happens...however I'm on my own today...gonna have to put on my big girl panties and just deal with it...
I think part of the reason why I don't think they believe me...is because so many people don't... my heart condition is one of those things where I look fine...I can do all the things that other people can do...but then suddenly it'll decide that it's time for me to stop...
I made mention when I was in Reno about the episode I had that had Big Daddy finding me passed out at the top of the stairs... yeah... still deathly embarrassing to me...
well I had also had an episode during dinner when we went out for dinner for his birthday... it was a pretty bad one as well... like hard to walk straight afterward type... started passing out in the car on the way home... pretty much seemed like we had to cut dinner short because of the stupid thing...
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| Closest thing I could find to sort of describe/show SVT |
I hate this stupid affliction...I always feel so embarrassed when episodes happens.... I've been told that it's silly to feel that way because I can't help that I have it... but I think it's because it makes me feel so weak...and then after the episodes happen I am so weak as well...
I don't like appearing or being weak... I'm supposed to be the strong, confident head of this household...
I've been told that I'm crazy, weird and silly...on different occasions when I try to talk about how I feel because of this stupid condition...I end up just trying to keep my thoughts to myself...
I suppose Big Daddy's right though when he said that the worse thing that could come from today's appointment is that nothing new is learned... though I suppose I worry because I expect the worse and yet hope for the best... which in this case the worst thing that I could find out from this appointment isn't 'nothing new'...it's actually that it's getting worse... I will not go for that stupid ablation again... I tear up and want to cry just thinking about that damn surgery... no one I know will ever be able to understand how horrible that was for me... no amount of describing it will ever help...
two procedures I never want again and wish to never think on again... the ablation for my heart and the HSG to check my inside girly parts... *shudders*
*sighs* I suck... I wish my body wouldn't vex me so... well I wish that and for people who truly don't know about my condition to stfu when they see me using salt, eating meat, having a drag of a smoke...
alas I am just rambling now when I should be getting into the shower and then getting something to eat...
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