So I got up this morning with the rest of the blurry-eyed masses...whether parents getting their kids ready for school or people getting ready for work... walked the Boychild to school and realized I prefer to be a homebody... I admit that it's a nice feeling to have strangers say good morning or to say thank you as you pass them by... but to me it's just sort of awkward... (the thank you this morning was because me with my umbrella stepped off the sidewalk so a woman and her two tiny ones could pass by...realized that it would seem weird to someone reading this that a random person would say thanks for walking by)...
However, I would prefer to just stay home... not to see people to have awkward fake cheerful morning interactions... as soon as October/November rolls around I don't want to leave the house for any reason...if I trusted people enough I'd likely have groceries delivered...and I would hibernate...until April.
Well sometimes later then that just so I can be guaranteed that there was no snow on the ground.
It's been really quiet here for the past couple of days...it's been nice... mind you I need to do more of those nasty things called chores...but I'm actually not minding it to much... it seems I don't mind doing them if I'm the only person here... it's when everyone else is here not doing anything that I kinda get pissed about doing the chores...
Been listening to Adele quite a bit lately... I'm so glad that she's much more mainstream now... I used to have such a hard time finding her music...though there is still a few songs I've heard her do that I wish she'd record on an album... I heart her so much...
I learned very quickly last night that you should never joke about poopin' on someone... I was in a really weird/giddy mood... and yeah... apparently the other party (who was at work) didn't really appreciate it very much... *shrugs* live and learn...
was up waaay too late last night... I went to bed at like 1am...which isn't so bad... still gives me almost 6 hours before the Boychild has to be up and eating before school... yeah... 3:30am...is definitely too late... I need to turn my skype off when I crawl into bed so that shit doesn't happen again... it was funny and nice to have someone to talk to for a bit but totally stayed up too late....
there's phrases, statements, questions, comments and the like that people will always remember that you have said or another person has said... stuff that sticks with you that will keep coming back to you... that happens to me quite a bit... people would say that I dwell (whether it's good or bad) but I don't really consider it dwelling or even brooding... it's remembering what people have said and then usually trying to figure out if they were just 'saying it' or if they were actually sincere...as we all know it's harder for us to believe the good stuffs said about us, though we hold onto the negative or bad stuff like it's a security blanket at times...
I've been called many things in my time... and I was writing them down as an exercise after I got back and was still in that whole transition period... and I have to say it's quite a list... and it's not all bad at all... but it's not just what others say about us... but 'to' us as well that we will remember... I've been told by a few people that they will always love me, or love me until the end of time, or something along those lines... and sometimes I get that sadistic urge to call them and say 'Yeah, still love me?' just so I can have some sort of sick satisfaction of saying 'see I knew you were lying' when they say No... I was told that it was hard to believe that anyone could 'get over' me... and of course my biggest issue is being forgotten...and I have been over the course of my life, starting at a young age and so that stuck with me even into adulthood and sort of festered into a feeling of being unimportant because of having been forgotten... few days ago I made a comment about being unmemorable and sort of got a snerking response of 'yeah right'... maybe that's why I get whacky and so odd and giddy sometimes...so that at least I'll be remembered for being weird/crazy...
this lyric makes me tear up every time I sing it...
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg "I'll remember", you said,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.
Dunno why I felt like that sharing that...probably because it was playing... the thing I don't get is the fact that I don't exactly think there's anything special about me that would make me 'unforgettable' and yet I don't want to be forgotten... how messed is that.. lol
I never claimed to be normal. Don't want to be normal... as it doesn't exist.
*laughs*
I want to be the hermit lady who doesn't want to be forgotten... man I'm a fucking conundrum...
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