It Came Out Of Nowhere

Ok...I'm trying really hard...

I'm trying not to panic about why I had been bleeding for 12 days...
I'm trying really hard to not send messages to Bing (unless it's updating him on my health concerns at the moment)
I'm trying really hard to not lose it on people
I'm trying really hard to stay positive
I'm trying really hard to remember my vitamin D (which has been helping)
I'm trying to keep my feelings in check

Apparently something had to give...

I was just sitting here watching Rio (kids movie about a bird - figured that was safe) Manchild went off to his dad's weekend... Boychild left with The Man to go to his swimming lessons...Rio ended and I just started bawling my eyes out for no apparent reason...

It's not like it's the first time I've been home alone (avec Zuulie) since I've been back...

So I have no idea why I just suddenly started crying...not crying... sobbing...

But not that I've caught my breath for a moment...I'll talk about my doc appointment...

I went to the doctor yesterday (was still bleeding) he gave me a form for an ultrasound appointment...and after talking for a few minutes about my trip he also gave me a blood work requisition form...
Receptionist got me an appointment for this morning at 9 am...
So this morning I got up, did not go pee like I normally would then downed two bottles of water and a cup of tea in the hopes that my bladder was full enough so that the ultrasound was nice and clear...after the technician was finished I went into the restroom and nearly exploded...

Went upstairs at the medical centre to get my blood work done... found out that it was essentially only a blood test to see if I'm pregnant... well ok...told the doc about the test I had done while I was gone...and he said 'sure, of course, but if you had intercourse on Sunday and took the test on Monday, it would have been negative...' I went a bit white and nodded...

I have another appointment with him this coming Wednesday at 11 am to find out the results of the two tests...

after going for breakfast and getting some shopping done I came home to find out that it would appear (as it still stands now as well) that my body fucking hates me... bleeds for 12 days, gets me all freaked out and end  up going to see a doctor about it, get tests set up and done...get home to find out I hadn't bled all morning

I was angry. It's like my body saw me doing all this and getting worked up and was giggling to see how crazy it could make me feel...then when suddenly I present it with being poked and prodded, stuck with needles and nearly make it pee my pants...it says 'oh shit. shit just got real' and stopped the bleeding...

So now even my body has something against me it seems...

Anyway... I suppose the next doctor I'll be talking about before finding out the results of those tests is my GP whom I'm going to see on Monday to ask (read that as beg him) if I'm allowed to start roller skating again... I really miss it... and watching the girls skate is a great motivator but also a bit scary... they've all gotten so good...and I feel like I'm going to be so far behind...

Keeping my fingers crossed about that appointment though... Burton is going to come with me as my  supportive derby wife, friend and maybe my muscle in case the doc says no...

You know what... I think the crying helped... I feel a bit better... but still... (it came out of nowhere)