'Cause all of my demons have withered away...Demons, withered away...You'll understand when you go my way...

Somedays...like today... I just lay back and think...

I was sitting here on the futon in the temple, I had just finished an almost two hour workout, the Manchild and I had set up camp in here to get away from the distractions in the living room, namely the Boychild watching Yu-Gi-Oh, so that he could work on an assignment his father gave him to do and I'm writing a couple of papers... I realized I hadn't taken any time since I was rudely awakened by the phone to just sit and be. Sounds crazy I'm sure but I like a few moments of solitude when I first wake up in the morning and to say hello to the day.
So I just laid back and closed my eyes, and when I did I just let random thoughts go swirling about in my head as I just laid there breathing and listening to the music playing and the Manchild writing his paper.

I started thinking about the people in my life that I've deemed important... those I feel close too and those I wish to keep in my life... and those I may need to distance myself from...

I do this on occasion and especially when I feel as if those I wish to spend some time with don't wish to spend any with me... and I'm not talking about calling them once and them saying they're busy... I'm talking about those that when I call, never answer the phone, never return messages, not showing any interest in my life and what's happening in it, those that ask how you're doing and then cut ya off while you're answering because they obviously didn't care in the first place... ya know that type of behaviour that just gives you this feeling that there's either something wrong, or that they don't seem able to make the time to talk to you for five minutes...

Yeah so I was doing that... and whoa I realized that I have a really small circle of friends and even those that were in that close circle in November...their numbers have dwindled further... lost 3...though I gained 2...for now I suppose...we'll see how it goes...

I take stock... I don't find it weird but I suppose others may. I think back to what was going on in my life a year ago, and compare it to now and see if it's better, worse or stayed the same...and am I happy with that?
Then I decide if it's worth changing or if it'll change itself, or if it's worth the bother of saying or doing anything about it. nothing like taking inventory of yourself and your friends.

Does it seem to analytical? or too systematic? I don't know... maybe it does.

It boils down I guess to I trust who I trust and I don't trust those I don't... Trust isn't exactly a hot commodity these days so it's nice to find those people you can trust... even though after so many that you can't... it's just bloody amazing to be able to find it in yourself to trust someone with who you really are.

Another new adventure starting again...this time with Burton...hoping it turns out a lot better then the last couple.
Part of me is sighing and telling I'm stupid for doing this again. Another part is screaming at me that I'm a glutton for punishment. Another part is whispering that she's just another that's going to leave. Where as the majority among the rest are feeling pretty good about this. We'll definitely see though.
History has a tendency of either repeating itself or teaching some much needed lessons...we'll see how it works this time.

So I'll and work on some papers again and see what's what tomorrow when the Man is home.