How Long Is To Long To Care?

I think I'm done...

for those who know me and will read this ... the comments of  'it's about time' will probably come up...

The Drunken Monkey had come back into my life... as I've said in other posts he had apologized to me for being such a douchebaggy dick head all those years ago, asked if we could be friends (to which I responded with alright after his explanation of how he didn't have any left anymore)... I know I'm not the first person to be friends with their exes... I much prefer that to having hatred toward someone...



He's always had a bit of a drinking problem... hence his name... it used to be used to blow off steam.. but now it just seems like every time I'm talking to him he is so drunk and high on meds...I don't take the bullshit answer of it was because of having been in the military... yeah sure I know how the American military can really fuck up the men and women that end up naively signing up...

There's been a few times where he's told me that part of the reason he drinks is to deal with the pain and memories of his past and his past fuck ups... I get that... as someone who used to drink everyday to numb it all I understand it all to well... but there's a time when you have to stop, get through the pain of it all and get on with live and getting drunk on a couple bottles of vodka just isn't going to do it...

I have to keep from crying as I remember how he used to be and what it is that he's turned into... I complain to him that he only ever calls me when he's drunk and or stoned on his meds... but he assures me that the only time he drinks is the nights he calls me... I call shenanigans on that shit... then the other night he drunk skypes me and I again mention the drinking and how he needs to stop... and he tells me that when talking to me is when he feels like drinking... that I make him have the need to drink...

Tonight I'm in the midst of a normal conversation with someone else and all of a sudden up comes my skype and it's him... totally fucking wasted... talking to me about how he's started a vlog... he recorded 5 videos in one night... and you could see the progression... or I should say the digression from totally sober and funny, to drunk and dumb...

He's very charismatic... drunk or sober... could likely sell a freezer to an eskimo... I find my heart so heavy after talking/listening to his ramblings... and discussing his drinking again...it doesn't help that he seems to genuinely care about my opinion about everything except his drinking... I just want to cry...

And it has nothing to do with being in love with him or anything like that ... I know that I'm not anymore... I do care for him on some level or else I would so easily be able to turn my back on him and let him pickle himself...

it's like I have this ridiculous notion that I could help him...and I guess that's what saddens me the most...

I told him that if talking to me makes him feel the urges to drink then maybe I should just not talk to him anymore... then he'd have no reason to drink anymore... he just went into some rant about how the raspberry vodka he had tasted like shit so he was going to just guzzle that one but the cotton candy vodka he would sip because he actually liked the taste of it... didn't even hear what I had actually said...

*sighs*

I think I need to call him when he's sober and have a talk with him about no longer talking to him when he's been drinking... I'm tired of feeling sad and on the verge of crying after talking to him...