My Retarded Cat And His Bathroom Habit...

I'd like to know if my cat thinks I'm a retard or something...

everytime I get up to use the john the damn cat thinks that it's his job to escort me to the bathroom... so he runs in front of me...slows right down, keeps looking over his shoulder to make sure he's leading me in the right direction...when he realies that I am going to the bathroom... he lays down right infront of the toilet... looking up at me like "here ya go I got ya here safe and sound" and of course I look at him like "dude how am I supposed to sit on the can when yer in the way?" so I have to stand with my feet way far apart to keep from stepping on the damn cat which it's difficult to get your pants down when your standing with your feet more than shoulder width apart...so I sit down do whatever business needs to be down...wipe my butt...which at this point the cat is trying to attack the toilet paper in my hand thinking that it's attacking my fingers or something... so after shooing him away from my toilet paper... he sits back from me with a huffy look on his face...so I stand up fix myself...and turn to flush...which I can longer shut the lid before the flush because the damn cat jumps up on the edge of the toilet... so I flush and doesn't the stupid ass cat try to attack the swirling water...and of course the toilet paper that was apparently just attacking me... the last few time I've been able to manage getting the lid down as I stood up... but then he jumps onto the lid and tries to open it while he's standing on it... and then curls back up into a ball in front of the toilet. And doesn't escort me out of the bathroom...