Rage... Hatred... Despise.... Anger... Madness... Insanity...

(Nappy Roots - Sick and Tired) <--- Good Song...

Have you ever noticed that it doesn't matter what tax bracket you're in... you have mney problems... think about it realistically...
How quick could you go thru a million dollars nowadays?

After laying into him last night in person and on my blog...he emptied his pockets this morning so that I could get a pack of smokes... hmmm

sat and watched a boat go thru the lock this afternoon... I'm always amazed when I watch them...I dunno why... most people can pass by while they are going thru without a second thought towards them... I'm not sure why I like watching them... maybe it's because I sit and imagine all the places they see in their travels...

As everyone knows I have itchy soles... I guess thats what happens when your ancestors were gypsies...and vikings ...LOL travellers on both sides...

I hate unpacking... especially when I have no fucking nails...I can't hang the things that need to be hung... and I hate it when I can't find a place for everything... and not having any help... oh ya had to know that was coming... :P

have I mentioned thta I don't like this apartment? ... I feel like I'm living in a tin can... especially after last night...
when we were at the house... if I got sick of his face or after/during an arguement I could go upstairs or go downstairs or somewhere... got into an arguement last night... no where to go... go in the kitchen could still see him... go in the bedroom... could still hear him breathing... I wasn't about to go lock myself in the bathroom... gawd knows two seconds later he would've needed to go pee or something...

why can't I stop crying...? days and days now... gawd I hate showing weakness... I hate cryasses... I hate crying for no reason... I hate being mean to him... (well only when he doesn't deserve it)

Last Night... (S=Shadow R=Rae)
S-so are we going to the picnic? R- you haven't told me where it is... S-At a park just outside of Milton... R-MILTON?!? S-yeah Milton... R- No we're not going to Milton...especially if we have to rely on others for a ride S-Zy will be there so it's ok for Gambit to come... R-no and I'm not going to try and borrow a vehicle to go that far either S-well they're trying to see how many are going so they can carpool R- NO not relying on others for a ride to fucking Milton...

This Morning (me half asleep)...
S- So do you mind if I go to the picnic in Milton? R-what? S-Do you mind if I go to Milton R- oh fuck I don't care do whatever you want... S- ok so thats a no than... R-*grumbling* S- they're also planning a trip to Canadas Wonderland... R-What? again too far away...and too expensive... S-well it's $20 thru work right now... R-again too far away not relying on others for a ride that far and not asking to borrow a vehicle to go that far...

there was something in there about my mother only having one vehicle this weekend as well...but I don't remember where that came in...

But c'mon why do I always have to be the bad guy??? we're supposed to be trying to save money... not spend it in the millions of dollars it would cost in gas to go to either place... I hate relying on other people for rides anywhere... because then I have to follow their schedule... What if I want to leave?? cant gotta wait for so and so to leave or want to leave... What if I want to stay??? ya see where I'm going with this... I don't mind going to peoples houses and hanging out...or going to a LOCAL park or something... I hate bars... I'm not a bar person and they cost money too... and he probably went to work and said "no we're not going to go...Rae doesn't want too" it's not that...it's Rae wants to save some money... *sigh* always makes me out to be the heavy...

anyway...must get back to work... and also must think of something for dinner...
gawd I'm just so drained and always so tired... *sigh*