Shoes? Fuck Shoes! HA!

So here I sit, taking a break from the work that I need to get done by tuesday... we still have more relatives to see and more presents to exchange... you know that whole 12 days of christmas stuff ;)

I'll be running away to see my dad's new place next weekend... and at some point we're hoping that Raistlan's mother will take a trekk down here. It's unfortunate that she lives 6 hours away, the kids miss seeing her.

this weekend however, staying in... not going anywhere... well except tomorrow afternoon with Sis, we're going out for a few... but yeah this year we'll be ringing in the New Year with the kids asleep in their beds and me working... *chuckles* Gee-Ha!! which from what I've been told is just Yee-Ha... but with a G.. :)

Santa was good to us all... even to me who plays Santa in this house... Santa knows who he is and I've thanked him profusely over and over again...
Santa hooked the kids up with art supplies and toys and games and video games... they're a happy bunch... there was only one video game they wanted that they couldn't have... because Santa didn't have the 50 bucks to shell out for one game *laughs*

there's not much to say really... the list of stuff is enormous that we got...
I got some more monkeys for my collection, 3 pairs of slippers (apparently everyone thought I needed slippers) , couple of shirts, socks, bunch of movies and a bunch of smiles from my boys ;)
All of them, the two boy cats smiled at me for their lil catnip mice, my two kids (boys) smiled at me for the presents and for being the greatest mom in existence, and the two boy birdies smiled at me for their little birdie burrito (filled with bird seed) and then my big boy (Raistlan) smiled at me....well for other things ;)

I must say tho that my secret Santa (secret because I'm not telling you) sent me a Blue (my favourite colour) Nintendo DS... after three years of asking at every birthday and christmas and mothers day... THANK YOU!!
I love it... and have already had to recharge it *laughs* (I picked it up on Thursday)

*sighs* well I do believe that I've procrastinated long enough...

I hope everyone has a great weekend if I don't get to say Happy New Year to ya before then *hugs*

Merry Christmas!

This year is the first year that I've spent Christmas eve in my own apartment, even tho I've been out on my own since I was 16 I've always spent Christmas Eve at my mom's house. This year we decided that since the boys are older that we as a family would spend Christmas morning here.

I've just finished doing up a couple of last minute presents, filled stockings and put HoHo's gifts under the tree.
We had my Sis over for an informal Christmas eve dinner of soup and sandwiches (a bit of a family tradition I like) So Sis and Otis (her pup) came over about 5pm she was nice and bought us all a hot chocolate from 7-11 and we had our dinner while watching a cartoon version of Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer, then watched the movie Homeward Bound. Sis and I had Clam Chowder and grilled cheese sandwiches, the boys (who don't like soup and one doesn't like grilled cheese) had hotdogs, Raistlan (who can't eat clam chowder) had tomato soup.... well tried too... this lil story is why I decided to post... *chuckles*

Raistlan sat down with his soup and sandwich (grilled cheese as well) and just as he went to have some of the soup some how he had knocked it over, it took a second to register what had happened, so we all sat there for a moment going 'uhhhh' then after that moment the cat, who had at some point decided to sit under Raistlans chair wandered out, head covered with tomato soup... well I couldn't help it... I started laughing so hard... but going... aww poor Kayleb all the while as well...
Otis did a great job of getting most of the soup off the floor... but ppor Kayleb is still trying to get all the soup out of his fur, which is hard to do for him since he can't lick the back of his own head.

*laughs*

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas.... ;)
I'll let ya know what Santa decided to bring us, probably in a couple of days when I've sat down again.

At What Age Are You Supposed To Become A Serious Adult?

Tonight after a fairly long day of running around and hunting down the right gift for everyone, which still now as I type this there is still a couple of things I'd like to pick up for a couple of others... so at the end of a long shopping day after spending too much money...

Somehow Raistlan and I managed to end up wrestling, tickling and laughing it up like crazy kids in our room after deciding which gifts went with each kid... we were laughing so hard and trying to zerbert each others bellies when all of a sudden we heard...
"Mommy? Daddy? You are being too noisy and I can't fall asleep" come out from the kids bedroom... apparently we had woken up Keenan with all of our antics... so then it became a game of who could tickle the other the quietest... which was usually followed with an outburst of laughter and that followed immediately with a Shh and the other laughing out a Shhh right back at the other...

As I sat to write this out... my 31 year old partner... Raistlan... comes in to hand me a glass of juice for now I need to sit down and seriously do some work... and I hand him my glass from yesterday... it's a plastic cup with the straw built right in the side of the cup... and all I hear is... Bbbooooo wooooow ppppft boo wow wow.... I look over my shoulder to Raistlan blowing into the straw and making those strange noises... he looks at me innocently as I give him a 'what the hell?' kinda look... he says "what?" bats his eyes a couple of times "you don't like my didjeridoo?"

I bust out laughing... I say to him.. ya know because of our antics in the bedroom I've started a blog post about how I'm wondering at what age you're supposed to become a 'serious' adult...

we both looked at the cup and started laughing again...

no one has ever accused us of being adults never mind serious ones.... *laughs*

I'm happy to report that we were quiet enough so that Keenan could go to sleep... ;)

Happy Birthday To You
Happy Birthday To You
Happy Birthday Dear Jamie!!!
Happy Birthday To You!!!!!

And People Say The Internet Is Bad...

SAO PAULO, Brazil (Reuters) - A Brazilian businessman traveling in Germany watched by live video as a burglar robbed his house on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean in Brazil.

He alerted the police, who rushed to the house and arrested the robber as he was trying on his clothes.

The businessman, Joao Pedro Wettlauser, was in Cologne this weekend when he received an alert on his cell phone from the security system in his beach house in Guaruja in Sao Paulo state, police said on Tuesday.

He logged on to his laptop and via the Internet saw live images of the burglar at work. He then phoned his wife, who was not at the house but called the local police.

"She told us the details about the thief and where in the house he was as we surrounded the house," police officer Americo Rodrigues told Reuters.

The burglar used a ladder to break into the house. When the police entered, he had a pile of goods such as the stereo system in the kitchen ready to be taken away, Rodrigues said.

"He was surprised when realized he was being seen by cameras connected to the Internet," Rodrigues said.

Dear Santa

Because everything else that I can think of is too big...

all I'd like for christmas is the soundtrack to the movie Elizabethtown.

Love
Rae

PS I swear I've been really good this year.

Sucky Update, But Atleast There Is One.

Ok so I haven't posted anything 'real' apparently in a long time... well anything that I had to sit down and think about and then type out of my brain... probably because the last time I did that it was funny and witty and what not and apparently at the exact moment I hit the publish button google went down for maintainence... yeah fucking sucks boo hoo I know... suck it up eh ;)

so I guess I should give an update of some sort...

Got a job and now looking for another...
Starting a new Christmas tradition this year now that the boys are old enough, we have introduced them to our belief of Yule to an extent, this year will be more then jut a little. We're going to be putting our tree on Yule this year and we will be staying home Christmas eve. In the past we've traveled down to my mothers and sleep over a do Christmas morning there, this year, we're going to go ahead and do it here in our tiny apartment.
So we'll see how that goes...
This year is my year to have Gambit in the morning so should work out well I think.

I've not really been hiding out or staying away from the computer... just...I dunno.. haven't felt up to talking to people about the nothingness thats been happening in my life...

That doesn't mean that I'm not interested in what's going on with you guys that still come and check me out over here... just I'm being horrible and not even making the effort...

Been doing lots of stuff with the Lions club... that's slowing down now too... been in the parade here in town... actualy gonna be in another tomorrow...

I'm hoping that Raistlan goes back to work in January we could use the money, unfortunately the doctor he's been going to that said he could help him out with the migraines hasn't been able to do too much... they've eased a bit but not enough... *sighs*
I tell you there is nothing worse then seeing your spouse curled up in the bottom of the bathtub with no lights on and hot water spraying down on them while they try not to cry from the pain or the sad look on their face as you see the pain radiating off of them and they confess that they'd like to go walk infront of a bus.
What's worse is the number of people who think 'enh whatever, so what it's just a headache' you know usually we all know how very loving I am to people but... I hope those mother fuckers get a migraine that hurts so bad they can't hear without it sounding like a fog horn in their head and can't see because everytime they open their eyes it feels like a million candle spotlight is being shined in their faces...
what's worse... we've been noticing that Keenan has been complaining about headaches now too... *sigh* so this might answer that age old question that Raistlan has had for years 'is it hereditary?' and hasn't been able to have it answered due to the fact that he's adopted...

Dad's back in this province now, living about 4 hours away... haven't been to see him yet unfortunately because need a vehicle to do that, so we're thinking maybe renting a car and heading out there one weekend.

*thinks*
not much else going on...

been writing another story it's about 14 pages long now... probably won't post it here... if I post it I'll post a link too it...

other than that we've been talking about changing the apartment around and giving the kids the bigger bedroom... so I've given myself from now til the 21st to get that down...since that consists of moving something in every room in the apartment and when you have a tiny one, it's like figuring out a rubix cube ;)

Anyway I'm out...

I So Agree With The Woman Who Wrote This...( I didn't)

First of all, chivalry is alive and well, so a big thanks to all the lovely gentlemen who open doors, offer up your seats when the Metro is standing room only (I rarely accept, but your willingness to sacrifice is very sweet), and...oh: to the ones who rush to assist me when I drop my purse on the sidewalk and its contents - which are countless and, let's face it, largely unnecessary unless I find myself in some sort of survival situation - spill out all over 17th St. Thank you all very much!

...But the chivalrous acts aren't really what gets me. The things I truly love about men are all the things you might not recognize as being "lovable" or appealing to women. Such as:

1. The hilarious, obnoxious and totally adorable banter that goes on between two guys when they're playing a video game. If you know that scene from "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" ("I'm ripping your head off now...aaannd now I'm throwing it at your body...F%$K YOU!"), that's it in a nutshell. I know it isn't meant to be, but it's just so frigging cute.
2. The sound a man sometimes makes when I walk past him in a low-cut top. Hard to describe, but it's sort of a sing-songy little chirp of appreciation that he literally can not seem to hold in. Somewhat akin to the sound a very small animal might make if you squeezed its abdomen too tightly. (PETA folks please note: I have never actually squeezed a small animal's abdomen. I am merely speculating as to what it *might* sound like).
3. The stance you adopt when taking a good, long, desperately needed piss: leaning forward at a roughly 60-degree angle, one hand braced against the wall in front of you, the other hand gripping your kickstand...I don't know how, but it manages to make you look both strong and vulnerable. I love it.
4. The way a guy will use the pronoun "we" when discussing his favorite team. For example: "I can't believe we traded Player X" or "Dude, we are so gonna annihilate Team X in the playoffs." I always found that kind of sweet and oddly endearing.
5. I'm also rather fond of your forgetfulness. To go back to sports, I think it's amazing that you can forget key dates like birthdays and anniversaries and all that crap...but can immediately recall the stats of Player X, not to mention his hometown, height and weight, and what college he played for. Incredible! I'm much more amused than bothered by it.
6. The way all men look when they first wake up in the morning: boyish, crazy messed-up bed head, puffy eyes and lips, morning wood at half-mast. Awww, ya just look so sweet and defenseless!
7. The act of showing possession by smacking their girl's butt in public. Of course, not all men do this...but the kind I like do. My only criticism is, if you're not going to do it loud and hard enough for everyone in the immediate vicinity to take notice, don't bother.
8. The manner in which most guys (who don't have kids or maybe nieces/nephews) hold little babies: ehhhver-so-gently and barely moving, as if they're cradling delicate explosives and are afraid that the slightest movement might cause the thing to explode.
9. When I see that some of you suit wearers have pulled/slackened your ties on the Metro ride home from work, as though you simply couldn't wait until you got home and needed immediate relief, making the adjustment the moment you stepped out of your office building. Ahhh, freedom.
10. The fact that maybe 95% of you have NO IDEA how amazing and perfect you are in all your idiosyncratic maleness. *Sigh* I wish I could date every last one of you...

OH MY GOD IT SNOWED IN DECEMBER!!!

"This surprising snow fall today...." says the weatherman
That made me stop and go /:) all I could think was 'Uhhh Helloooo, you live in Canada dickhead and it's December 4th, you fucking idiot, if you were surprised, you were the only one!! the rest of us knew that eventually it'd be here'

We now are the proud owners of about 3 inches of snow, with more falling from the sky... everybody dance and party and celebrate like its 1999!

Way Back...

Time to step into the Way Back Machine to a time when I was an opinionated teenager ;)
(I ran across some of the short little blurbs I had been known to write in my English class, this one drips with Sarcasm ;) I know hard to believe that I would be sarcastic but hey ;) you do what comes so naturally)

Run out of fish?
Honest politicians?
Never run out of experts?
Adversity energizes them!
Running electricity through the little metal stage at a sideshow used to make us "like the chickens", and dance?
"We're in the soup!"
And if that's the case, I find it hard to get too excited over the question, whether it's chicken noodle or cream of mushroom!
When the going is good - the sky is blue! Gods' in her heaven!
An expert to tell you, they're happy?
Catastropes, are pretty rare in politics?
Quebec referendum fall into this category?
Negotiations over this deeply emotional issue! Which no one really understands!
Your mother's cooking is still reassuring.
The women can't cook?
Don't get the idea things are fine here!
Sailors on welfare?
Falling dollar has hit them pretty hard?
No! Things are bad, very bad!
And they're going to get worse!
Way worse!
And that's my expert opinion!

The Breeze

It came to me through the window on the midnight breeze and the autumn scents. It came as a message from you, that you would not be there any more. It came through and whispered in my ear that you were not intersted . It came to me as I sit in the bottom of the tub as the shower of water sprayed down onto my head and ran down my body. It wrapped itself in many fine lines of poetry, telling me that your love was not real. It came strongly almost suffocating me with its urgency. It said it wasn't wrong, explained that everything else was. Said that to be right would be truth. It came to me through the window on the midnight breeze, it came as a message from you.

HAPPY TURKEY DAY TO ALL MY AMERICAN NAUGHTY LITTLE DONKEYS!!!

Vote: 'New 7 Wonders of the World' - CNN.com

Vote: 'New 7 Wonders of the World' - CNN.com

So here's something everyone in the world can vote on and actually be able to affect the outcome, unlike political elections.

There are a couple of things on this list that made me go... oy... why is that one on the list... but hey thenI remembered hey I don't have to vote for it... ;)

the link is to the list of things they have narrowed it down too and This site is where you can vote

Don't you want to vote for the new 7 wonders of the world ;)

Macleans.ca | Top Stories | Veterans call for better benefits for returning Afghan soldiers

Macleans.ca | Top Stories | Veterans call for better benefits for returning Afghan soldiers: "November 15, 2006 - 17:13"

What makes the bureaucrats think that they're worth so much??

And please.. does this make any of you go 'hmm?' at all?

We Love You Buck...

Some of you who have been chatting with me for the last few years may remember when I was taking care of my friends dog, Buck.

I was given the bad news the other day that Buck has passed on, my family and I have been very saddened by the news. Even tho he wasn't with us that long we grew to love him very much. He was a good companion, and he always made sure that I was safe.

There was this one day that my landlord came over and brought another man with him to walk around the house to see about some changes they wantd to make to the house. I was there by myself with Buck. He must have picked up on my uncomfort of being there with those two men.
He sat at my feet while I sat in my chair, he was growling and watching them as they went from room to room. The landlord asked on one of the times he walked through "he won't attack us will he?" I looked at Buck and then back at the landlord and said "well, just don't come near me" and chuckled. They didn't even come into the same room with me after that. I gave Buck a big hug and a dog cookie after they left.

I'm so sorry Sasha, for so many things.

Trick Or Treat

ok so apparently nobody has anything outside of their windows... thats fine whatever... anyway...

Happy 8th Anniversary to Raistlan and Myself... *gulp*

yep been together for 8 years now...

Happy Samhain and Halloween to everyone everywhere... hope you had a spooktacular time this evening.... either handing out candy or trick or treating or just staying home with yourself or family...

Hope you have a good one...

What's Outside Your Window?

This window is right beside my computer desk... yes half way up the picture.. there is a set of railroad tracks... whats even funnir is... that just past those leaves of the tree on the right is an intersection... where the trains have a stop sign... rather than the traffic...

The orange sign that you can see... is The Beer Store sign... yes for all of those Americans who thought I was a freak walking around with you saying... "damn I still can't believe y'all sell alcohol in the grocery store" we have seperate stores for beer and another called the LCBO (the Liquor Store)

This is the view out my window... a mailbox pick up for the mail carriers, the beer store, trees, railway, oh yeah and my air freshner that helps with the smell from my pot smoking and dealing neighbour ;)

So what do you have outside your window?

Oy Vey Doctors....

Alright so update is.. had two people go :O and get a little upset about the cutting of the hair... hey I needed a trim!
*laughs* to quote a friend of mine "a trim? 6-7 inches is not a trim!"

Anyway no Raistlan didn't faint.. I do believe I saw tears well up in his eyes tho... ;)

So yesterday I went to the doctors office for the dreaded PAP test...

it's taken three months of back and forth with the doctors office to get a freakin' appointment...
So we (Sis, Raistlan and I) all had appointments booked for yesterday morning...
oh yeah... morning! we all know how much I Loooove mornings...
so we drag our asses out of bed.. Sis picks us up at 9:30 ish... and we drive the 40 mins or so to get to the doctors office...
So as far as I remember Sis was booked for 10:30, Raistlan for 10:45 and myself for 11am

At 10 to 11 Recptionist calls Sis over to the window and asks if it would be ok if they rescheduled all of us to another day... the doc had surgery in the morning and he won't be in til 11:30 and would like to be out of the office again at 12:15pm...

So Sis givez them this look and turns to me and says "they want to reschedule all of us" I believe my first reaction was 'fuck that'... anyway... Sis goes off about how it's taken all of us months to get into see him to begin with, how she had to take work off and we were already there... had to say was applauding her...

So we waited... Keenan had to miss school because of it... but we just wouldn't have been able to get him to school...

So he ended up seeing the three of us and two other ladies and still got out of there with 10 minutes left to spare...

So yeah that was my yesterday... today I'm just chillin' I think I slept funny on my poor arm... my right arm and shoulder feel funny... right across the back of my shoulders over to the left shoulder...
nothing a good shower (after doing my hair) won't fix...

The Short And Long Of It....

You know that old song "I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair" ?

I've changed it a bit today... my version of the song would be "I cut that man right outta my hair"
*laughs*

not that there was anyone I was cutting out of it but I could have made a bald man very happy this morning... coulda made a full toupee out of the hair I cut...

I'm not even sure exactly how much I cut like in inches wise... but I do know that I'm not used to it being this short...

I used to have problems tucking it into my pants... lol... not anymore... lol

Raistlan doesn't know yet... he came home from his doctors appointment and it was still up in a towel...

*laughs*

keep your fingers crossed that he doesn't faint ... ;)

Teaching kids to fight back against classroom invaders - CNN.com

Teaching kids to fight back against classroom invaders - CNN.com: "

Teaching kids to fight back against classroom invaders

POSTED: 9:42 p.m. EDT, October 13, 2006

Anyone else think this is sick as shit???

Please Take The Barb Out...

I think I know what that 80 year old guy and Steve Irwin felt when they got shot in the chest by stingrays...

I've felt like I have a big nasty barb in my chest, imbedded deep enough that it's piercing my heart... my heart has been acting crazy the last couple of days... it feels like it's going to thump right out of my chest and other times its so soft that even with a stethoscope you could barely hear it... and hurt... omg it hurts... especially when it's thumping and when I'm breathing... or should I say trying to breathe... I need someone to come take this barb out of my chest...

Maybe the hurt will stop soon...

Name Those Tunes

It's a vain pursuit, but it helps me to sleep
Looking for a place to happen
making stops along the way

Are you breathing? no.
Do the wicked see you
Youre still grieving
Youre making me numb

She, who is wanting me
Whose touch can make me cry
I can only understand
By never asking her why
Hear the contradictions fly
And as hard as I may try
Every truth becomes a lie

And once again she calls to me
Then she vanishes in thin air
And how she takes my breath away
Pretending that she's not there

Feel the break and I got to live it up,
Oh, yea huh, well I swear that I.
What I really wanna know, baby,
What I really want to say I cant define.
That love make it go

Told me that my hair was red
He told me i was beautiful and came into my bed
Oh i cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors and the yellow light
He told me that i'd done alright
and kissed me till the morning light

I know a girl who reminds me of cher
Shes always changing
The color of her hair
She dont use nothing
That ya buy at the store
She likes her hair to be real orange
She uses tangerines

Favored signs to find hope
In the rounds of life
Favored rhymes to find hope
In the sands of life

You build me up then you knock me down.
You play the fool while I play the clown.
We keep time to the beat of an old slave drum.
You raise my hopes then you raise the odds
You tell me that I dream too much
Now I'm serving time in disillusionment

I don't want to lose him
He must be worth losing
If it is worth something

When they pull you under
And I would give you anything you want
Well all I wanted
All my dreams have fallen down

It seems you're having some trouble
In dealing with these changes
Living with these changes
Oh no, the world is a scary place
Now that you've woken up the demon ... in me

bill barilko disappeared that summer, he was on a fishing trip the last goal he ever scored won the leafs the cup they didn't win
another until 1962, the year he was discovered, I stole this from a hockey card

You Tell Me...

e‧mo‧tion‧al  /ɪˈmoʊʃənl/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[i-moh-shuh-nl] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–adjective

1.	pertaining to or involving emotion or the emotions.

2.	subject to or easily affected by emotion: We are an emotional family, given to demonstrations of affection.

3.	appealing to the emotions: an emotional request for contributions.

4.	showing or revealing very strong emotions: an emotional scene in a play.

5.	actuated, effected, or determined by emotion rather than reason: An emotional decision is often a wrong decision.

6.	governed by emotion: He is in a highly emotional state of mind.

af‧fair  /əˈfɛər/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[uh-fair] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun

1.	anything done or to be done; anything requiring action or effort; business; concern: an affair of great importance.

2.	affairs, matters of commercial or public interest or concern; the transactions of public or private business or finance: affairs of state; Before taking such a long trip you should put all your affairs in order.

3.	an event or a performance; a particular action, operation, or proceeding: When did this affair happen?

4.	thing; matter (applied to anything made or existing, usually with a descriptive or qualifying term): Our new computer is an amazing affair.

5.	a private or personal concern; a special function, business, or duty: That's none of your affair.

6.	an intense amorous relationship, usually of short duration.

7.	an event or happening that occasions or arouses notoriety, dispute, and often public scandal; incident: the Congressional bribery affair.

8.	a party, social gathering, or other organized festive occasion: The awards ceremony is the biggest affair on the school calendar.

****************************

So what is an emotional affair?

tell me what you think an emotional affair between two people is...

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!!!!

Happy Early Thanksgiving

man oh man I should wake up with techno every morning...

So last night we had thanksgiving dinner at my mom's house... mom's going away for the weekend so we dined together a few days early... that and we thought we were going to go up north today for the weekend... but... we're not.

So I was thinking in the van on the way down to mom's house about all the things I'm thankful for... yeah sometimes we do that at the table... so I was preparing myself ahead of time... lol

So we only half sorta did it last night.. so I figured I'd come home and do it here today... kinda early since thanksgiving is on Monday... but hey nothing like being prepared.

I'm thankful for...

My boys... my friends... most of my family as dysfunctional as the entire thing is... having a roof over my head...

I'm thankful that the doctors tried to make me 100% again...

Hope all the Canadians have a Happy Thanksgiving on Monday...

Blondes Don't Have More Fun, Let's Try Red!

So.... here's me with dark red hair... it'll be staying for as long as I can get it too... yep thats me... always up for a dramatic change... that last post was two really good songs.. sorry I forgot to include the names... I Will Remember You by Sarah Mclachlan and Violently Happy by Bjork...

Anyway... I love the red hair so don't let the pic fool ya... this was just me while waiting for what ended up being two hours... lol I have a couple others... yeah I know the shit I do when I'm bored... I take photos of myself being bored... but anyway...

not much new going on here... we've all been battling sickness... Keenan's not feeling well now... first was me... now him.. and I'm still not even 100%...
when I'm bored for fun I hang on irc and have been playing in trivia rooms... whoever knew that a platypus couldn't see under water... *shrugs* I didn't... but hey these are the things ya learn on irc trivia... the mush has fallen to the wayside a bit for me... because wow ... who knew those people could get so petty and argumentative and gossipy about each other... oh well... I'm sure I'll go back eventually...
it's been a month since we've been in Georgia... and we both miss it immensely... I still haven't sent out my thank ya's... ay yi yi if my mother knew... shhh ;)

not much to update.. Thanksgiving is coming up this weekend... for all those Americans reading this... thats right we don't celebrate it at the same time as you ;)
so yeah when thanksgiving is done we worry about halloween while when yours is finished y'all worry about christmas coming next... yeah I know fucked up isn't it...
the cool thing is tho... 2 years ago... wow that long ago already??? anyway... two years ago I had thanksgiving here and then flew to chicago in november and had thanksgiving with the lovely Anna Banana... was hoping we could afford to go out to chicago again this year... but sorry Banana no surprise visit next month :( that last vacation just drained us... so you can blame it on Jamie ;) he's got big shoulders he can take it :D lol ;)

Raistlan freaked me out the other day... for all of those who are truly my friends and have been here since the beginning might understand why it freaked me out a little... but anyway... went to go see Betty Ford on saturday night... (btw No more Grape and Wine Festivals for Dave before singing) and he leans over and says too me... 30 days til our 8th anniversary... yikes eh?!

I've had shoes last 8 years... shirts that lasted 8 years... kids that have lasted 8 years... animals that lasted 8 years... but never a relationship.... wowzers...

Anyway.. I have to get ready to go... tis that time oof year again... Lions has started... must go to a meeting tonight...

I Will Remember You....Violently Happy

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Dont let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Dont let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Im so tired but I cant sleep
Standin on the edge of something much too deep
Its funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we cant be heard

But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Dont let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Im so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesnt let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Dont let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Dont let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories

Since I met you
This small town hasn't got room
For my big feelings
Violently happy
'Cause I love you
Violently happy
But you're not here
Violently happy
Come calm me down
Before I get into trouble
I tiptoe down to the shore
Stand by the ocean
Make it roar at me
And I roar back
Violently happy
'Cause I love you
Violently happy
But you're not here
Violently happy
Overemotional
Violently happy
I'll get into trouble
Real soon
If you don't get here
Baby
Violently happy
'Cause I love you
Violently happy
I'm aiming too high
Violently happy
It will get me into trouble
Violently happy
I'm driving my car
Too fast
With ecstatic music on
Violently happy
I'm getting too drunk
Violently happy
I'm daring people
To jump off roofs with me
Only you
Can calm me down
I'm aiming too high
Soothe me

Happy Belated Birthday To Me :D

So I had an interesting question put to me yesterday morning by Raistlan...

See I've been very sick the past few days... started Wednesday... so by Friday I was sitting in bed stuffed up with a headache having troubles breathing with a runny nose ears plugged up and a sore throat and cramps just to top things off...

Raistlan looks at me and says 'Happy Birthday Hunny' I turned to look at him which made me a little dizzy and said 'not exactly how I wanted to be spending my birthday but thanks'
he smiled and said 'so if you could do anything you wanted for your birthday what would it be?' I thought for a moment and said 'is money an object or no?'

*laughs*

I didn't really answer the question then.. but I think I figured out an answer for it... lol

I would have all my friends come here... not to my apartment... but to my town... I would fly the ones in who live faraway... we'd rent a luxury jet and fly to wherever it was September 22nd first... which is probably Austrailia... we would fly from time zone to time zone celebrating the whole time... stopping to eat in whatever country we want... maybe in Italy for some pizza... go to Switzerland for some chocolate... go to china for some chinese food... we'd have to land an hour later and grab some munchies... maybe fly to Ireland for a Guiness... land in Quebec for some poutine... you get the picture... fly from time zone to time zone making the party last as long as possible... that would be cool...

What did I do...
laid in bed drugged up... went for dinner with my sister at the restaurant I used to work at... came home and sat in my chair....
laid in bed went to the drugstore... went to the library... went down to my mom's for dinner... came home and am now writing out this post...
tomorrow I've declared it to be Star Wars day... we borrowed episodes 4,5 & 6 from mom and borrowed episodes 1, 2 & 3 from the library... we're getting up early and the four of us are spending all day in bed (mine) and we're watching all 6 of them while snacking on popcorn and eating meals...
the two monkeys are excited... they haven't seen all of them... most but not all...

So if ya don't see me on line tomorrow now you'll know why ;) *laughs*

So... I leave you with a question.. that I would love you to answer in my comment section...

If money was no object what would you love to do for your birthday?

Why Do You Stay Up So Late At Night?

people have asked me that exact question on more than one occasion...

I've always been a night owl but there were times in the recent past that I down right refused to go to bed... for fear of waking up in the middle of one of my episodes and being scared and not able to breathe and having my heart racing...
it would scare me so bad that I would wait until I was so exhausted I would literally fall into bed so that I couldn't lie there in bed thinking and worrying about the episode that may or may not come in the middle of the night...

I've had my surgery... I should be ok now... right?

I've had my surgery but.. I'm not 100% like they said I would be... I'm not without any episodes like they said I would be... I still get them... not nearly as bed... but I still get them... I still get chest pains.. pressure... constricting... all of that is still there... the loss of the ability to breathe normally when all of this is happening... it's all still there...

Am I scared to go to sleep still, for fear of waking up and having an episode?

no... I'm not... I've not woken up like that since I had the surgery...

I've not yet had my two week post surgery check up.... not because I didn't want it... it was scheduled for Sept 5th but since the van wasn't ready I was still in Ohio and didn't make it... which do the math for me because I'm still not sure how Sept 5th is two weeks after July 19th... but anyway so I called when I got home and got it rescheduled... my two week post op check up is now Oct 17th... I know.. still not understanding their two weeks... but hey I wouldn't mind two of their weeks for my next vacation ;)

*sigh* back to the post...

So no I've not been having large episodes that wake me up in terror and scared as hell...

however it's changed now... there have been on several occasions where I have been asleep and dreamt that I went to my check up with my cardiologist and she told me that she wanted me to go back to Toronto and have it done again...

now even if that was the reality of the situation... I wouldn't do it... I would rather live like this then do that again...

but in the dream I don't have the option to decide... they send me up there and do it whether I say yes or no... and I relive the entire thing again and again in these dreams....

and to some of you I might sound like a chicken or a wuss or what the fuck ever... but I'm telling you... I never want to have that feeling ever again... I would rather die of a heart attack then go back and have that done to me again....

again not that that's going to happen... but for the last few weeks its happened most everynight when I go to bed...

so again why do I stay up so late at night?

well besides preferring the night time... I don't want to have to deal with that in my dreams, in my head or in my reality ever again...

wow... a post about something real... sorry y'all but it's all Jamie's fault he started it...

;)

TheStar.com - TV's Bounty Hunter arrested

TheStar.com - TV's Bounty Hunter arrested

c'mon now... what was he thinking?
he yells at people all the time for doing exactly what he was doing...

Good Luck Dog!

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday

I've neglected half nekkid thursday for awhile.... I apologize and here ya go...



As for a quick update if you're still reading past this point... *laughs*

Raistlan got the mouse with no problems or incidents...

however I spent an hour on the phone with the sympatico guy named Glen (holla atcha) trying to figure out why my modem said everything was fine... yet I couldn't get connected to any site... after an hour of bonding and joking and what not... we did a system restore... not a huge deal right considering we just reformatted on Tuesday... yeah well let's just say that from Wednesday at 2am to yesterday at 10pm when all the funky stuff started happening... I downloaded and installed a lot... lemme say it again... A LOT of stuff... oh well... back to square two ;)

oh and something strange happened to me today...
as I was walking home from dropping my son off at school this afternoon... a guy pushes a shopping cart full of beer bottles and cans (so ya know he's a real winner) says too me...
'have you always walked like that?'
"huh??"
'have you always walked like that?'
"I'm sorry dude, walked like what?"
'walked with the sway to your hips that tells a man that you just love being fucked'
"yeah I have and yeah I do but not like you would ever have the chance of finding out"

as I crossed the street and walked the other way....

dude wtf??
first off... wtf?
secondly... really seriously...wtf??

did he think that was a pick up line or what?
and...
man... do I really walk like that?

Mooooooooooooooooooooouse!

So I said I wouldn't post until I had something to actually post about... well in the computer world where this is kept only those who love their computers as I love mine would appreciate my problems over here... especially those who when their computer has a virus takes it into a shop to get it fixed because they don't know enough to do it themselves...

So yesterday I'm working away on fuck all on my computer and I notice that my mouse is acting a little funny... first thought.. crap hope I don't have some weird ass virus... update virus scanner... all up to date... run a scan on the computer... nothing... says it's as healthy as can be.

Mouse gets worse... only way to describe it is it was acting posessed. Like someone was holding down the left button and making circles and lines back and forth across my screen, of course opening anything that it happened to come across. Frustrating to say the least.

So I try restarting the computer... you know all the tech-y stuff you're supposed to do when microsoft starts messin with your head...

ends up that my computer no longer was recognizing my mouse... great...

So I complain to Raistlan and he gives me his usual answer when I tell him that the computer is acting like a narf... reformat... the word that makes me whine like a new born kitten... I hate that word... only because it takes so long for me to get everything set back up again...

of course by this time the mouse is dead...
*dramatic pause* It's Dead Jim!
*look of shock* are you sure Bones, can't you do something?!
*scowl* Damnit Captain I'm a Doctor not a Computer Engineer!!

*SIGH*

ok so I agree to the reformat I knew it was about time for one anyway...
So we get home and he moves all the stuff that I want to save and starts the process...
I being a good girl stayed out of the way or else I would have bombarded him with so many annoying questionshe woulda yelled at me... questions I already knew the answer too... cause see it's not that I don't know how to do the reformat... it's that I don't have the patience to deal with it...

So I go into the bedroom far away from the computer and I let Raistlan 'Bones The Computer Doctor' do his thing...
I fell asleep...
I woke up a couple of times... but pretty much my head was so hurty that I just went to sleep...
woke up at midnight to Raistlan telling me 'nope the mouse is dead'
I went pale the world around me started to spin and I think I started to black out...

first thing I did... I downloaded and installed Firefox... oh yeah you know it ;)

so then I go to google and type in 'windows keyboard shortcuts' .... oh yeah... I mean c'mon didn't you see that coming? :P

so all last night nothing but keyboard shortcuts and key commands... was feeling pretty good about myself after downloading and installing... yahoo, skype, my cams drivers, firefox and learning how to go from screen to screen and minimize and maximize and tab thru windows... see it seems like nothing to all you mouse users... but I dare you.. nay I challenge you to unplug your mouse and reset up your computers manually with no clicky clicky :P

So today I get a call from Raistlan he says "I picked up a cheap 8 dollar mouse to get us by til pay day when we can get a good one"
"Yay!!"

So Raistlan is coming home and we see him walking down the street, Keenan runs out to meet him at the door, then comes running back in with a box behind his back.
I picked a hand... he hands me the little box with a mouse on it.
I open up the box and pull this mangled mess of cardboard out of it and look in the box...
nothing there but a piece of paper...
I look in the mess of cardboard... no mouse...
I chuckle...
Raistlan walks into the livingroom... here's the conversation..
Me- "very funny now where's the mouse?"
Him - confused look
Me - uh oh look
Him - "what do you mean where's the mouse? it's in the box"
Me- "uh... no it's not.. you mean you didn't take it out and put it in your pocket as a joke"
Him - sits down in the chair looking muddled "no"
Me - "hmm so you paid 8 bucks for an empty box"
He picks up box and starts looking inside it....sits back down in the chair a bit dejected
I pull out the reciept and dial the number for the store...

it's 5:46pm and it's closed... apparently they close at 5pm... *sigh*
I (using no mouse) look up the number for the head office (happens to be in Quebec)
I talked to Nick.... who said that if he (Raistlan) has any problems getting a mouse to call head office... "alright Nick I'll quote you on that"

So...
no mouse again ;)

and I've now also set up my music and been mushing and downloaded a couple of other things and installed them as well...

BAH!
who needs a mouse? ;)

well ok I still do because there is some stuff you just can't do without one ;)

However on a good note... Raistlan found a mouse he likes and it'll be on sale til the end of the month... :D yay!

Blah Blah Blickety Blah

If you could have the ability to affect other peoples lives would you want it?

think about it before answering right away...

have you ever looked at someone you know and thought "if only they'd do this...." now imagine if you could make the this happen...

this blog post will be a bunch of random thoughts that only some or maybe none will understand and thats ok... I write here for me not you... :D well except when I share my stories ;)

When was the last time you drove just to drive... it's so hard to do nowadays I know... but it's fun...

Have ya been to any good dead ends lately...

No matter what has been said or done there is always the chance for a fresh start... if you want one bad enough. If you're willing to work for it.

When you think you have it rough and can't go on any farther, walk around in a downtown major city and look down the alleys.

Forgiveness is easier to give than it is to ask for.

I started this blog entry last night/morning and I sat back down just now to type some more in it before I posted it... and I've come up with nothing... nothing witty or charismatic or anything earth shattering...

If I keep waiting til the last possible minute to walk Keenan to school then I'll probably lose a lot of weight running him to school...lol

blah blah blickety blah...

my minds a jumble my thoughts aren't coming out right and I'm very tired... I think I'll just refrain from posting til I actually have something to say...

How Many Have You Been Too?

create your own visited states map

thought this was cute and that I would share :D
Hopefully they'll come out with a Canadian one too so that I can see how many of the provinces I've been in as well...

btw..
I'm home now ... got in last night at about 11 pm... hellish trip... was held up in... Ohio... again... damn van... anyway.. maybe post more later...

I'm Moving To South Georgia!!

I figured I should post something so y'all don't think that I died while on vacation...
this post won't be complete or even the full version... might take weeks before I can do that... *laughing*

So today was the day that I was to be home so that tomorrow I could get together with my family and get my kids back and have dinner with my mom and sister... and get all the kids stuff situated for the first day of school... on tuesday...

HOWEVER....

I'm still in Georgia... yep you read that right... *chuckles* I'm still in Georgia...

Raistlan and i have decided that we love south Georgia so much that we're not coming home. He's gonna find a job here and once we get settled I'll fly back home and pick up the kids and bring them down here. Since he's an American citizen already we'll just get married to make it easier for me to get a spousal visa so that I can get a job as well...

See now that would be cool... *laughing*
But no that's not the way things are going.

Friday night we left our house and drove to Detroit once in Detroit we found the I75 south and just started driving.
I pulled over at about 4:30am to get some sleep at a rest stop in Ohio just a few miles outside of Dayton. Our goal on the first night was to try and make it all the way thru Ohio. Didn't make it because I was just too tired and he ws asleep.

So we got a couple of hours of sleep and woke up at 7:30 am.
went to the bathroom and got all ready to go and Raistlan starts the van and puts it into reverse and puts his foot on the gas to back out of the spot and nothing happens.
So long part of the story short (read that as not getting into it right now... but will blog it later)

We end up in Dayton Ohio in a Sunoco parking lot with a bleeding minivan and waiting for a couple of hours for a friend from Columbus to come and get us.

We get a tow and a ride to Columbus and are there for a couple of days while we find out that the van is having transmission issues.

We decide after finding out if it's ok with our friends, to leave the van to get fixed in Ohio and rent a car with th monies we have left and continue our way down to Georgia to our original destination.
Niiiiiice freaking car.... (more about rental guy and stuff from here as well... fast forward...again will post later)

So we drove down to Georgia (post about the parking lot scenario later)

We figured we'd only get a day and a half to visit.. a lot shorter than the 7 days we were going to be here... so the day we were going to be leaving (Friday Night) I get a call from my friend in Ohio letting me know that the garage there thats working on the van had to order a part and the van wouldn't get fixed until Tuesday...
So now you see why I'm still in Georgia...
(I swear I'll post more and explain some of the stuff that I didn't and elaborate more about other stuff)

So if you have felt bad for me and wish to contribute financially to the help "Rae and Raistlan have enough gas money to get home" fund feel free to donate :D

*laughing*
post more later...

Talk About The Long Road Home...

So it's Tuesday...
I'm not packed (big surprise) I've not done any laundry (no surprise) I've not cleaned my apartment (really no big surprise) and I leave in 3 days... but my mother in law will be here in two... she's is the uber clean freak... me not so much...

So tonight will be the flight of the bumble bee clean up of the apartment collecting the laundry that needs to be done... packing the kids bags... hopefully tomorrow will be the trek down to moms after swimming lessons to do laundry, get Gambit to his soccer game and hopefully taking the gay duo to mom's so that she can watch them for me while I'm gone... who knows... called yesterday and left a message on her machine... 24 hrs later... still waiting for a call back.... *nods*

hopefully as long as everything goes according to my plans... the van'll be packed on Thursday night, the kids will be leaving on Friday after their swimming lessons and I'll be picking Raistlan at 4pm and leaving...
we'll be going a different route then mapquest suggested... we'll be going from St Catharines to Windsor over the Ambassador Bridge into Detroit grabbing the I75 and going south for a good 14 hours... hopefully meet up with Red and continuing down to Valdosta... staying there for a week (providing they don't get sick of us before that) then we're contemplating making the trek to South Carolina and maybe going home via the I95... but we'll see how it goes... if we do that we'd probably hit almost every state on the east coast... *laughing* I said almost... sheesh... :P

Anyway I gotta run to the store... need something for dinner...

hmmm....

Ironic?

We Love Tragedy.. Admit It We Do

So I was reading Bone's blog the other day and he was talking about the WTC movie thats coming out with Nicholas Cage in it. It got me to thinking...

We as a society thrive on watching tragedy... it's quite sick when ya think about it.
Look at how many war movies we have based on real wars... The two World Wars, Desert Storm, Korean War, Vietnam War....and and and... Or major disaster movies such as Titanic... where real lives were lost.

Now some people are up in arms saying 'it's too soon' others want to see it because they want to know what happened. People like hearing about other peoples stories, sure why not, isn't that one of the reasons we read each others blogs. We read each others stories, we laugh or cry or sympathize with each other about our lives, we give everyone a small peep into what our lives are like. Thats why they're so popular, we like the feeling of being connected. Some say this movie is a way for everyone to connect to what happened. Some say they're exploiting the situation. Some feel that all profits from this movie should go back to the families of those who died, others think it should go back to the city of New York itself. Others think that it just should never have been made.

I gotta tell ya I'm a little all over the map with this one. I'm going to relate it to a story that I am familiar with that had the same affect just it was on a community not a whole country. It was a story that broke while I was in highschool. Two teenage girls had been kidnapped and murdered, the amount of press it got was huge because even those they were the only two girls (that we knew of at the time) it really hit home. Well because it was in our home. I live in a region where not a lot of crap like that happens so when it does it's huge.
When the story broke the news was filled with it, over and over and over again all we saw was school pictures of the two girls and a wedding photo of the couple that was charged with the crimes.
There's a publication ban in affect. Thats what caused the biggest upset. Let me say that again just so you can process it for a moment.
The biggest problem the community had was that there was a publication ban put into affect during the trial and is still in affect now.
Yes we were pissed that the crime happened, we were sickened by the whole thing. However, the biggest problem and the thing that caused the most controversy was the fact that we weren't allowed to know exactly what happened to those two girls (later during the trial it became three girls because they ended up starting the whole thing off with her sister). People believed that we had a right to know what happened to those girls. They demanded to know.
They didn't think of the families, didn't think of the pain they were going thru because they knew what happened, they got to hear all the gory details of what happened to their beautiful daughters. They were in fact the ones who applied to the publication ban on there. They didn't want the public to know, because it was so horrible. They were tortured and sodomized and shaved and raped and much more. The parents wanted to save the public from hearing that and wanted to protect the images of their daughters. Kudos to them.
It was 13 years ago that this happened, hollywood loved it. They picked up the story and ran with it. Made a movie about it named Karla. Every Canadian that I've spoken to about it will not go and see this movie. As a matter of fact Cineplex Odeon refused to show it. Why?
Because for us it's still too soon.
For the people that are affected by such tragedy and trauma of situations. It will always be too soon.
Will I ever watch the movie? Maybe some day, but even 13 years later it's still too soon.

Will New York ever be ready to watch WTC possibly not. However they may want to, not to relive it, but to celebrate the fact that they got kicked in the balls and stood back up with the help of their countrymen. Will D.C ever be ready to watch it, *shrug* maybe not.
I will tell you that I did watch the show that was made for tv about the plane that didn't make it to where it was going Flight *** (I don't remember) Mind you I bawled my way thru it, but it showed that when united people can do anything, include stop terrorists.

Will I go watch WTC, maybe I'm still split on the idea. Because even tho I'm not an American and I'm 8 hours away from where it all took place. I'm human and it affected me and shook me to the core of my being. I cried for the people that died and the ones that were left not knowing.

I cry at any tragedy against human life. People think I'm odd because when I watch movies like Saving Private Ryan or Full Metal Jacket or Black Hawk Down I cry. Yeah they are macho shoot 'em up war movies. But I cry because they are based an actual events and it hurts me to know that people have gone thru such horrendous ordeals.

Will I watch it, probably, someday. I will buy into the sick and twisted thing that is human nature and I will watch it. However, I won't go to the theatre to watch it ;) would hate to cry infront of a whole theatre of people.

I think that I'll watch it because when ya think about it. Everyone needs to come together again and just hug each other and look each other in the eye and say 'we made it thru another day'

It's events such as 9/11 that prove that you need to live life to the fullest everyday.
Now go check out Bone's blog so I can go wipe my eyes.

Fine! I'll Post Damnit!

So I've been catching a whole lotta flack this week because I haven't posted anything here...
There's really nothing to say really... So I'll start with whatever comes to my head...

Moonie and Chris were in Niagara Falls for their honeymoon... so since I live about 15 minutes from there they invited us out for dinner.. we went to the Rainforest Cafe... had some good eats and some good treats... it was awesome, thank you so much Moonie and Chris, we had a great time with you guys and your view from your room... was fucking awesome... ;) hope ya got some pictures...
We were invited back the next day with the midgets to go swimming... had a great time in the pool... won't bore you with the details of what happened after swimming.. just know Moon and Chris that I am SOOOOo sorry for his actions... he did apologize later and was able to have the present you got for him.. and they loved them.. thank you so much. I love you guys it was great to see you again.

We're going on vacation.. yes you heard that correctly Raistlan and I are going on vacation... wanna know where... Georgia... sure why not it's the middle of August during the hottest summer on record here so we figured we'd head south :D bloody brilliant eh ;) yeah well we want too so there...
we'll be there for a week at the end of August... yay!!

enh.. I don't feel like posting anything else... sorry thats all ya get folks

Blog Worthy

there are moments in life now that when they happen I sit back and look at the situation and say.. now that was blog worthy...

sometimes it's good things... sometimes its not so good things...

and today I have a good thing and a not so good thing to tell y'all about...

Let's start with the good thing...

Went to see Jewlz yesterday and she worked her magic on me and did my hair for me... yay!!

7.5 hours at the salon and it was worth it... just for the fact that I'm much cooler (temperature wise :P)

There's me with my new doo :D See I can be cute sometimes :D

ok so that was the good news....

on to the not so good blog worthy news...

last night after I went and picked up Raistlan from work... he was trying to make sure that the A/C was in the window correctly because it had started leaking inside the apartment... well his hands and himself were getting wet from handling it and I think you can see where this is going... yes he accidently dropped the A/C out the window and it landed with a loud crash on the neighbours front porch... Raistlan had the cord in his hand... *sigh*
So I am sitting here right at this moment... completely naked with a fan blowing on me... sweating my ass off...
I don't blame him.. not like he blames him.. it was an accident after all... not like he threw it out the window... I just don't really wanna hear what my mom is gonna have to say after all this... she bought it for us last year when it went on sale...

Oh yeah and did I mention that when the landlady got the roof done last year they didn't do it right and theres no vents in the roof and I'm on the top floor of the building... the a/c in the bedroom is working double time and a half...poor wittle guy can barely keep my bedroom cool...

So alas... I am here and I am Hot. ;) but not as hot as I could be if my hair wasn't done :P


Everyone help me out here and tell Raistlan not to beat himself up about it... ;) Cause we all loves him...

Lost Wages

I have a friend that I'm worried about... He's caring and very generous and perverted (hey we all like different qualities in our friends :P )

Tomorrow this friend of mine will be in a hospital in Las Vegas getting gastric bypass surgery... it's a lot harder when you're on the other end of the 'if I die' talk... in any event that I die... it's also tough to say it...I didn't realize how hard it would be to hear it. He won't so it'll be fine.

I will be those doctors worst nightmare if they fuck up... *sigh* I miss him already... wish it was being done here...

*sigh* I think I'll send him an email for when he gets out...

One Week...

Woo to the motha fuckin Hoo....

as of today I'm now allowed to go swimming again... take a baths (sickos... I was only allowed showers) I'm allowed to do stairs... and may now pick up something over 10lbs (why I would want too? I dunno... but might just cause I can now)

yes it's been a week...

recovery... well I thought I wouldn't really need any 'recovery' time when I got home... apparently I was an idiot...

I've gotten so tired this past week... my leg has had some weird feelings in it... my heart was non stop flutters for almost two days straight... we've gone down to a couple of flutters when I'm tired... still taking the ASA (aka Aspirin) gotta keep doing that probably til my birthday...

so been resting and trying to get better... according to my documentation I'm supposed to be heading back to work next week... let's see if they accomodate my new list of demands... heh... if not.. then it'll be bye bye Screwcomm...

so yes progressing nicely now... thank you all for asking how I've been...

So now onward and upward once more... been planning for a vacation at the end of the coming month...

This Might Just Be The Longest Blog Post In My History of Blogging

Tuesday morning I'm woken up by the phone.. my mother... asking me if I was on my way to Wal-mart for the oil change on the van... of course I wasn't sleeping... I mean it was 9 o'clock in the morning why would I be sleeping ;) {(A) on the map below}
get the oil change done in Niagara Falls (B)... mechanic walks in... saying that mom needs two front tires on the van...I think enh we have two 14" tires, after Raistlan's haircut we'll go put them on the van... head to Welland (C) to go see Miss Jewlz about cuttin Raistlan's hair and also for a short visit... head out to Ridgeway (D) to get the tires changed... rims don't fit but have seen the one front tire and how bad it is... so worried about taking it too Toronto drive over to mom's house (E) since she's home from work now... tell her about the problem... it's not 4:50pm... everyones only open til 5pm... call Sis... she's heading to go get BIL with the truck... aha the truck... we met up with those two in Stevensville (F) and traded vehicles with them... so now we're taking the truck instead of the van... cool with us the truck has a radio... *laughs*
we go for dinner at Harvey's in Niagara Falls (G) and then head home (A) again to pack and go to Scarborough ...

We get on the road and head up to Nana's house at about 8pm... we get there at about 10:30pm... not to bad of a drive didn't hit any traffic... took the QEW to the 427 to the 401 ...incase anyone really wanted to know that... lol

Stayed up talking with Nana and using her computer until about 3am... had to be up to catch the bus to Kennedy Station at about 5:30am... caught the first subway out of Kennedy and headed down town... if you're asking why we just didn't drive to the hospital then you've never driven in or had to park in downtown Toronto... or you have but you're just spoiled and have too much money :P lol
got to the hospital at about 6:38am... few minutes late but as you'll see in the following that doesn't matter... got checked in and into my gown and proceeded to take a nap... Room 415 bed #2 in the Eaton South Building East Wing 6th floor of the Toronto General Hospital... that was my home for a couple of days... had a beautiful view out my window of the west wing... what fun... lol

at about 8:30 am the nurse clinician comes into my room asking me how I'm doing... telling me that I was up next... then realized that I didn't have an iv hooked up to me and asked if my nurse had been in to see me... I looked at Raistlan and we both said... um no... she shakes her head and says 'well let me go get her butt in gear'
a nurse comes walking into the room... butchering my name and then proceeds to say 'I didn't realize you were here' funny since I had been there since 6:30 but ok...
then she says how we're gonna have to hurry because I'm next (see I was second on the schedule because I had been cancelled before, woulda been first but the guy before me was an emergency) so she says she has to hook me up to an IV first off... so I say to her please please please put it in my arm rather than my hand... it's very painful when I have IVs in my hand... she says that she will do her best to do that for me... she spent the next ten minutes looking for a vein... apparently when my veins hear IV they understand that to mean *dive dive dive* like lil submarines... she couldn't get one to come up so that she could put the IV in my arm... so she apologized profusely and proceeded to put it in my hand... she put the rubber tourniquet around my forearm prayed to jebus like that was going to help... and then put the needle in my hand and proceeded to poke around for a little bit and then took it back out and apologized... I hand Raistlans hand in mine and was looking his way rather then at what she was doing... but it fucking hurt like hell... and I could tell by his face that he did not envy me... she got a new needle and went at it again, apologizing and calling the lord and jesus as if they're gonna pop up and say here lemme do that...
finally she gets it in... after me crying out in pain and Raistlan looking like he wanted to smack her in the head for causing me pain...
she then asks me a bunch of questions and one of which is have you been shave prepped... uh..no... *aside - see now I wanted to just shave at Nana's the night before and then thought, nah they'll do it and they do it all the time so it should be alright* so she gets up and goes to get the stuff she needs to shave me... she comes back with this little basket and pulls out this little electric razor... and I'm thinking... hmm this might not be good... she starts shaving me and first it tickled... cause well when I shave I don't use one of those down there when I shave myself...and then it hurt... with each passing of the razor it hurt... I told her this that it hurt and she just continued shaving and saying we had to hurry and finish cause they could come up to get me at any time... so I beared with it... so finished with the all the stuff she had to get done... and after a little while she comes back around and tells me that they've come up to get me... it was about 10:45am when they came to get me...
Raistlan was able to walk with us down to the 2nd floor until just outside the door of the procedure waiting room... he gave us a moment so we could hug and kiss... after Raistlan left I felt sorta alone again since I had no one to talk to.. all the nursing staff were more then nice to me... as a matter of fact I really had to pee (hey when I get nervous it's what happens) one of the nurses just happened to see me looking around and walked over and said 'let me guess you need to go to the bathroom don'tcha' I laughed nervously and said yeah which she followed up with 'ya had that look on your face' so she offered me a bedpan... which I graciously declined...I've never been able to use one of those things... so she let me get up and go to the actually commode... and I had just got back to the bed and there was a doctor there to talk to me and get me to sign a consent form... I'll call him Dr Raj because I can't remember the rest of his name... he explained the procedure and explained the form and was very nice... I asked him about whether or not I'd be sedated and he explained that normally they wouldn't give any sedation because they need the heart to not be relaxed... but because I was so nervous he would see about getting me some...
few minutes after signing the consent form a nurse and a technician came to get me and wheeled me into the room where the procedure was to be done...

I scootched over onto the other table and laid down, the nurse came over and said he was going to rub some pink alcohol solution onto the areas they will need to use, he moved the sheet and my gown and looked up at me and asked me if I shaved myself, I said no the nurse upstairs did why? and he just shoook his head smiled and said oh nothing hun...he started rubbing it on me and it was cold! I gasped and he said oh it might be cold, but then it started to hurt and I told him it was stinging, he just nodded and apologized.

then another nurse came over and she was talking to me about how the doctors have okayed me to have some medication and how she was going to put it in thru my IV and it would help calm me down a little. Boy I dunno what it was but I could feel it moving up my arm and across my chest and down my body and my legs... everything just sorted relaxed a little... it was nice...

they draped this plastic type tarp thing over me which had a hole in it to go over the area where Dr Raj would be... which was fine.. except all around the edge of it was adhesive... which sucked because... well we all know I'm a fat chick and I have some rollage down there so Dr Raj kept having to stretch out the skin and redo the adhesive... think about taking off and putting on a bandage several times over and over again...ouch I was starting to get sore...

So after that Dr Raj told me he would be freezing my leg now... I'm not sure how many shots of local he did in my leg...but it wasn't enough... *laughing* and of course the local when its put in intially burns like your whatever is on fire... he then said that he was trying to find the vein that runs next to my femoral artery... see again.. having problems finding veins... it felt like that man was digging for gold, like he was going to push his way to the other side of my leg... good thing I couldn't feel it right?... *sigh*
he finally found everything and it was time to put the catheter in... no for all those of you who believe that a catheter is only used when people have to pee... let me educate you... a catheter is a polite way of saying "a tube up in something" this one just happened to be in an artery in my leg...how great... anyway...

so then it was time for them to completely violate my innards... let me set up the scene for my disturbing procedure... if anyone has ever needed an x-ray for something then you might understand... there was a big x-ray machine above me over my chest and they said that there would be one that comes up beside me on my left as well so that they can get the best picture possible... the table was approximately 4 feet off the floor... if I looked to my right there was a bunch of stuff (I don't recall what now) set aside, there was a digital clock on the wall that I tried very hard not to stare at... on my left from what I could see about 2 feet above me and down by my knees was a vitals machine that showed my heart rate and what not... spent a lot of time looking at that... right next to it was a black screen... had no idea what that was for... lets just say I spent a lot of the time with my eyes shut and wishing that it was over...

you know the motion you use to unstop a toilet with a plunger... that jerky pushing type of motion... this is what Dr Raj was doing in order to get the wires up my artery... I could feel it on my leg... and also I could see him... if I looked down the right side of my body... I couldn't take it... it hurt so bad having him do that... so I made the mistake of looking to the left instead...and looked up at the vitals monitor... everything seemed ok with it... the screen next to it was no longer black ... it was now showing this weird black line snaking its way there a gray-ish maze... then he started the plunging action again and I realized just what I was looking at as I see the black line bending and curving in time with his plunging action... I damn near puked right then and there...when I realized that I was watching what he was doing inside me... some people I know would think that was cool... and ya know if it wasn't me it was happening too I may have been one of those people... but it was not feeling cool... it hurt like hell and I will never be able to explain to you the feeling of having something snaking it's way thru your body and into your heart... it's the most distubing thing I have ever had to go thru... it feels like there is an itch working it's way up your stomach and into your chest...a burning itch that you want to reach into your chest to scratch ...

So after they got my heart to skip to my lou into an episode which it did a couple of times on their way up to my heart... the wires got up and into my heart... tears streaming down my face from the pain... but staying quiet so that they can get their stuff done... now it was time for Dr Ing to work his magic and make me better.. heh...

they asked how I was to which I replied just please hurry... they told me that they were in my heart and were going to proceed to which I mumbled that I already knew where they were... but just kept that to myself...
well now the lights were going off and on frequently... before when it was Dr Raj the lights just went off and on a couple of times...
I was fine at that point and I could hear them talking to each other and Dr Ing telling them when he needed them to take another picture... and then he would say something else and I had this weird sensation in my chest... and then it would stop and my heart would freak out... and then the weird sensation and then my heart would freak out and go nuts... well ya see the patteren here eh? ... this happened at least a dozen times... I wasn't able to breathe it felt like someone put cotton balls in my ears and my head was really starting to hurt... then after one freak out... I heard Dr Ing say something again which I noticed he was saying the same thing just before he started the laser to cauterize the pathway... and all of a sudden I felt this burning sensation in my chest and got all panicked... and said uh that feels really hot... all of a sudden it stopped and this time my heart didn't freak out and go nuts... waited a few more minutes and poked around in there some more and nope it didn't do it again...

So they came around and said that they were just going to get everything out of there and that they were finished and everything went well... I couldn't help but chuckle wryly yeah maybe for them it had... I just felt like I ran about 15 marathons in a row...

Dr Raj gave me a sympathetic smile and asked how I was feeling... I just looked at him and said 'I'd like to go to my room and go to sleep now'

Well that didn't quite happen like I had wanted... the wheeled me back out to where I was originally waiting saying that I'd just be there long enough for them to finish up some paperwork... laying there it happened... I had to go to the bathroom again... so I told Marcia the nurse who helped me out before surgery and she said that she could bring me a bedpan so that I could go... I told her I'd wait... she said you do realize you can't get out of bed for 4 hours and had to remain flat on my back... I nodded and she chuckled and said ok.. but if you want the bed pan just let me know...

I tried so hard to forget about the fact that I had to pee... and then when I finally resigned myself to trying to use one I couldn't find Marcia...
seemed like all the nurses disappeared in that moment...
finally a nurse was walking by and saw me laying there... she walked up and checked my "procedure site"and asked if I shaved myself and asked how I was doing... "I actually really have to go pee..." looked around and continued "could you hook me up with one of those stupid bed pans" she laughed and got me a bed pan and pulled that not to private privacy curtain around after wedging the thing under my ass...
a few minutes later another nurse comes in, her name was Loletta, asking if I was done... I laughed... not likely ... I've never been able to use one of those things.. think it stems from that whole 'it's bad to pee the bed' thing that gets installed in us from the time we're toddlers...she looks at my "procedure site" says it looks good then asks me if I shaved myself...to which I responded no the nurse upstairs did why?... she tells me that she'll be taking me back upstairs to my room now and that she'll leave the bedpan there incase I'd like to do anything naughty such as pee in the elevator...

btw no I did not pee while in the elevator...

I got back up to my room and by this time my stomach is killing me from needing to pee...
I get all set back up in my room and see my Raistlan and just started to cry... the brave face was wearing off... I quickly wiped all the tears away when Audrey my nurse from the morning came in and was asking how everything went...I just said fine and Loletta then filled Audrey in on everything that happened downstairs and how I had to pee but hadn't yet...

Audrey hooks me back up to Earl and Harry and adds Bob to the mix...(explain them in a minute) so I tell all of them to leave me alone for a moment... Audrey, some ecg guy and Raistlan...all go to the other side of the curtain... and I'm trying to convince myself that I need to hurry up and pee... I could hear the ecg guy asking Audrey if she could take his blood pressure because he wasn't feeling well... Harry started beeping... Raistlan fixed that while Audrey left... they all kept asking me how I was doing... I never realized how impossible it was to pee lying down... so Audrey came back and took dudes BP and then checked his sugar levels... ok talk about taking advantage of the office you work in... I finally finally finally was able to pee in the stupid plastic bed pan that looks like a dust pan... then I realized that my ass felt really wet...
So Audrey asked if I was able to go... and I said that my ass felt wet and it was gross... and she says 'oh so you weren't able to go' ... Raistlan had poked his head thru the curtain knowing that I had gone I rolled my eyes and said... 'yes I was able to go but now my ass is all wet' so she comes over puts a pair of gloves on and says oh ok I'll be right back with some toilet paper... So Audrey and I become married in some countries... she's shaved my twat and now she's wiped my ass off...

So after all that happened I started dozing, Raistlan told me he was going to have a smoke, text my mom and grab something to eat...so not to freak out if he wasn't here if I woke up... so I dozed off... a little while later I realized that someone was in the room with me but it wasn't Raistlan... I open my eyes to see my sister and my mom standing there... well it actually looked like they were trying to sneak in...my heart rate jumped from 88bpm to 105bpm my mom realized it and was standing at the end of my bed going 'shhh relax hun...relax it's just us' as she continues to watch Harry to make sure my heart rate goes back down... I chuckled... first thing out of my mouth... 'heeey did you get the van tires changed?' lol
So I visited with sis and mom... told them that Raistlan had just gone to text her.. she said yeah I know we got the text as we were parking...
So Raistlan got back and we all visited and I had them all laughing... mom says sis was so nervous on the way up that she wanted to smack her... *laughs* sis was more worried about me then mom...see now thats what I call tight ;)
Anyway... while they were there Audrey came in to tell me that I could get up and move around at about 4:30pm.... I sighed and said good cause I had to pee again... this was at 3:00pm... *laughs*
I didn't make it that long... had to use the stupid plastic bed pan again.... I'm going to know tell you the lengths to which love will go...
Raistlan wedges the stupid thing under me again... they close the not so private privacy curtain and they all wait over oon the other side of it.. however they still are talking to me...finally I said shhh trying to pee here...
so I pee.. I hadn't been drinking a lot... I couldn't I had been lying flat on my back... but lets just say I thought I was done...so I told Raistlan he could come and get the bed pan... he walked around the curtain...and I went.. oh wait... maybe I'm not done... so when I was finally finished I made the mistake of lowering my butt down and I looked up at Raistlan and said.. 'shit I think I may have just got some on my bed' thankfully last time I went the nurse put one of those weird blue things under me... So now here I am again... butt wet and plate of pee under me... I look up at Raistlan... who brought over some toilet paper and without even hesitation proceeds to wipe the pee off my butt... 'well now this is love' I said to him...he responds with 'thru sickness and thru health' we both chuckle... and he changes the blue pad thing under me...
I'm telling ya my Raistlan would make a good nurse ;)

at some point I asked Raistlan to check my 'procedure site' and tell me what kind of bandage is on it... he says 'elastoplast' ...I started to freak.. and asked my mom to look at it... sure enough it was an elsatoplast bandage (meaning it was a cloth type bandage with adhesive on it - which by the by I'm allergic) so Lynn comes in and we all proceed to tell her this... since it's on my arm and everything..big red bracelet that says 'Elastoplast bandages = Hives' so got that changed pretty quick..while changing it she asks did you shave yourself...I arche an eyebrow at her and said 'no Audrey did' she said oh ok... and left... I turned to mom and sis and Raistlan and said... how bad does it look... every nurse or person who has looked at my crotch has asked me if I shaved myself...it seems that little Miss Audrey decided to shave off parts of my crotch... she didn't give me razor burn like I was thinking... she was actually cutting me... she was lucky that she was already gone for the day...

So finally 4:30 rolls around and Lynn my new nurse tells me that I can get up now if I'd like... you never saw someone get out of bed so fast... mom asked where I was going... I replied with as I'm shutting the door... 'too a real toilet!'... I tell you I was never so happy to see the porcelin throne in my life... lol

So I walked down the hall to the elevators with mom and sis... said bye to them and gave them hugs...
walked back to my room and was completely exhausted... so I laid down to take a nap.. Raistlan again says if he's not there he's gone for a smoke...
again all of a sudden while napping I feel someone else in the room with me thats not Raistlan... opened my eyes and it's Nancy... she was coming to check on me... tells me that everything went well as I mutter 'well thats relative' and she tells me that she'll be back in the morning to discharge me...while she's there Lynn comes in to check on me... took vitals and checked my 'procedure site' Lynn looks at me and says to Nancy she says she didn't shave herself and Nancy looks over and says oh no thats because she had an elastoplast bandage...and then they both left me...and I was thinking.. wait a second... never mind...

so I drift back off to sleep... and I wake up again with the feeling that the person in the room is not Raistlan... this time no big jump in heart rate..I open my eyes and sitting in the chair beside my bed is Dr Ing... he smiles and says hey there...I just blinked a few times and managed to say hi...
so he proceeds to tell me that the surgery went really well and that the pathway was easy to find and they cauterized as much of it as they could... and that I should no longer get any big attacks that last long enough to go to the hospital about... I asked him why my heart rate kept going nuts... just jumping from the 80's into the 100's... he said that it was because of the trauma... the heart is a sensitive thing and it's not used to big poked and zapped... I explained that it felt like I was starting to get an attack and/or episode but then after a few moments it would go back to normal... he nodded and told me that I would no longer get the episodes but that I will still have arrythmia... I will still have small episodes...
grrrreat....

So he went on his way and I went back to sleep... poor Raistlan... must have been so bored with me... I was dozing and or sleeping most of the time...
He left to go back to Nana's at 9pm and said he'd call when he got back... thank goodness for Gambit... he let me borrow his psp and his spiderman2 movie for it... so I sat there watching that with the phone beside me on the table (the phone would flash when it rang so I wasn't worried about missing his call with the headphones on)
Lynn comes in and finally takes my IV out of my hand... she had disconnected Earl earlier but left the needle in my hand with a small portion of the tube hanging out just incase they needed to hook me back up to the IV...but now she took it out after much begging on my part because my hand was killing me...
So just as the movie was finished a nurse pops his head around my curtain I take the headphones off and turn the light on thats over my head... he seems surprised 'oh you are awake...is your phone not working?' I thought it was... anyway turns out that Raistlan called and got to the nurses station because they turn off the patients phones from incoming calls at 10pm... so I waddle out to the nurses station and talk to him for a moment and told him that if he didn't hear from me in 15 minutes then I wasn't able to call out either... so I waddle back down to my room... and call him back and he explains to me how he fell asleep on the subway...lol and went past his stop and so forth...

laid in bed staring out the window at the other side of the building and listened to music... then some guy walks into my room with a flashlight... I took my headphones off and he asked if I needed anything... I asked him if he could show me where the ice machine was...and got some ice...finally drifted off to sleep probably about 3 am...

6am rolls around and I have nurses coming in and taking my temperature and blood pressure and vitals and changing my bandages and just all around pissing me off...

finally drifted back off to sleep... around 8am a different nurse comes in and starts checking me out and telling me one of my leads fell off from Bob and that she needed to replace it and blah blah blah...
Nancy walks in while Kelly the new nurse is there and says ... oh she can be taken off all of this stuff now.. Kelly looks surprised.. oh I just replaced one of her leads... as if that was going to convince someone that I needed to be hooked up still... Nancy says 'oh... well... you can take them all off now because I've come to tell her she can go home" she looks at me and tells me and says that everything looks great and the monitors didn't show anything unusual... and wished me luck and walked out... Kelly unhooked me from everything and went out to get my discharge paperwork...
I just laid back down and went to sleep again...
because when talking to Raistlan on the phone we realized that I had the truck keys in my purse which was with me at the hospital so he was going to take the subway to come get me and we were just gonna take the subway and the bus back to Nana's.. I felt fine ;)
so I read thru the discharge papers.. and the after care shit... which says no using stairs unnecessarily for a week, no driving for 48 hours, no sex for 48 hours, and a bunch of other shite...
so we walked two blocks to the College Park Station... ate a Cinnamon bun from Cinnabon...mmmm my achilles heel...cinnabon... anyways.. walked down the stairs to the subway... got on the train...sat ;)
got to the young/bloor station... walked up the stairs to the eastbound train... sat on the train ;)
got to the kennedy station... walked up the two flights of stairs to get to the buses... took the Kennedy bus to Laurence...got off and walked half a block to Shoppers Drugmart... got the stuff needed so that raistlan would be able to change my bandages... walking around I hear from behind me 'oh.My.God we so should get these for your mother' (aside - all my life my mother has used duct tape for cuts or what not that she might have on her fingers - says it works better then regular band aids) I turn around to see hanging on a shelf Duct tape bandages.. I laughed and asked if we had enough to get them... so we got them for mom...I stayed and sat at Shoppers while Raistlan walked back over to Nana's and picked up the truck...
we drove over to the store for Nana and then went back to her place... where we both took a nap.. I was so sore after the trek from the hospital...and so tired...

we left Nana's at about 10pm and headed home...

the next day (Friday) I finally got my hands on a small mirror and laid down and looked at myself and realized why everyone kept asking me if I shaved myself... that woman was lucky I didn't get to see until then... I would love to get my hands on her and shave her fucking cunt... she chopped me up something fierce but by the time I got to see it, it wasn't as bad as it was at the hospital... on Saturday I had Raistlan take a couple of pictures...
I'm posting the link so that you don't have to see if you don't want too you don't have too...

Anyway... this post has taken me four days to write.. because frankly I haven't wanted to think about anything that happened in that surgery room... it's quite painful...which some of you might think me weak for but... all I have to say... is let me do it to you!

BTW - Bob was the name of my Heart monitor, Harry was the name of my portable vitals monitor we called him Harry because everytime it went to take my blood pressure he beeped to say I was dead, and my IV bag and stand was Earl because since I hate IV's so much we decided that he needed to die ;) and they are named with mens names because they were all over me and in the way ;)