Can't Sleep Clown'll Eat Me..

Was at the library earlier today with Shadow getting out movies...I told him I wanted some war movies...I wanted death and destruction...I want to watch them because I'm so angry...
He asked me why I was so angry... I said just because...
he turned to me and said I love you and squeezed my hand... I know he does... he told me the other day that... that he lives with the paranoia everyday that I'm going to leave...I told him that I do too...he said that he just loves me so much...I wanted to tell him that I wish I loved him as much as he loves me...but I didn't want to make him any more upset then he was...

I am afraid... I am afraid of what may happen to Shiney's mom... she has been unwell to say the least and my thoughts are with her, hoping that she gets better... I'm glad that Shana is there for him when he needs someone to talk to... Good luck to you both Shiney...

I called him tonight...gawd I'm an idiot...I made up some lame excuse as to why I called...just so I could talk to him... I'm getting much better tho... I told him I would call him maybe on Monday evening while he is at his mom's house... The funeral is on Monday... He's really upset about his uncles death... he just won't show it...

I miss Nagel... haven't talked to her in a couple of days... I hope that she's having some fun this weekend tho... she deserves it after the crap she's had to go thru...

Oy vey I hate blogging with no music... my thoughts get even more scattered...

I did something interesting today...well at least interesting to me... I went onto the website of the college I was accepted at waaaay back while I was still at highschool and I asked them if the acceptance would still be valid...hopefully I'll hear back from them sometime next week... that gives me a goal back...and something to look forward too...

I don't think it was ever about the citizenship...but I don't think he'll ever admit to that...

I should have forced myself to stay up past 10 o'clock...cause now I'm sitting here not very tired...and I just got back out of bed because I was sick of rolling around under the covers...i went to lay down with Shadow at 10 and was awake again at midnight...wrote in my other blog...yes I have another one that only two people besides myself know about...I think because of a lot of the content it'll be for only my female friends...anyway...wrote in that...while talking with Anna and sort of helping her to get her own started...LOL I guess posting that I would give her free random lovings from time to time really got her making it...LMAO j/k

Hey if anyone knows all the steps in the greiving process...please post them in a comment for me... I can't remember them all...

enh...maybe I'll go throw a dvd into the dvd player and lay there watching a movie... all the people I talk to at night are either in bed or in or on their way too North Carolina... *sigh* if only I had wings and could fly ;)

Oh damn that reminds me... Shadow and I went to see Harry Potter 3 on Tuesday... egads he dragged me onto a city bus...gawd how I hate public transportation... when ya grow up in a small town that only has one transit bus...it's daunting to move to a city where theres LOTS...anyway HP3 was really good...I liked it...obviously they left out parts that were in the books...but thats too be expected... and I'm still not too sure whether I like the new guy who's playing Albus... I'll have to watch it a couple more times..maybe he'll grow on me...

I'm outtie...