"I get up around 7, get out of bed around 9, I don't worry about nothing, no, cause worry is a waste of my time..."

I just got off the phone with my mom... even tho I see her quite often it seems like we never talk that much anymore...

"We've been dancing with Mr Brownstone, he's been knocking, he won't leave me alone, no, no, no he won't leave me alone"

She says she's concerned about me... says I'm too much like her in the fact that I never had one single goal that I tried my best to accomplish... I told her nicely that was bullshit... LOL

"Say where ya going, what you gonna do, I been looking everywhere and I been looking for you, because you don't want me love....you don't need my love you got to find yourself another piece of the action...your crazy....your fucking crazy"

At age 16 I had the want and drive... I wanted so badly to get into Broadcast Journalism... found a great school that I could go to and it would only take me 2 years to do the course and there would be a co-op with a tv studio, which almost garaunteed a job afterwards... well apparently on this particular situation my mother decided to let my father handle it... well it seemed like as soon as he found out the school was over the border he had already made the decision I wasn't going... I had to get my aunt to take me to the open house, and she was the one that took me over for the overnight stay, so that I could "shadow" classes that were going on... He refused to do anything about it... never encouraged me to do it... never looked at the paperwork for the foreign student loans, or the financial aid and bursary paperwork, he wouldn't go see the school... he told me flat out... No. I hate him for that. Now don't get me wrong I obviously love my father very much. However that hurt me so badly that he wouldn't even try to help me to get what I wanted. After I had been raised all my life being told if you work hard enough and want something bad enough we'll help you get anything you want. That deflated me so much. I've never told him how much that hurt me and discouraged me. It was shortly after that I packed my bags and left. I felt betrayed and started to resent both my parents. I started hating my mom because she wouldn't help me, it seemed like she sat back and just said here you deal with this one. I started hating my father because it seemed like the first time he was asked/told to handle something about our upbringing he didn't even try. I've tried very hard to get over that. Most people would tell me to suck it up and move on, and for the most part I have, every once awhile it'll come up in conversation (like today) and the anger comes back.
How do you tell someone that you are still angry with them for something that happened almost 10 years ago without them turning around and saying get over it?

"you should see me when your not around, I'm a genius in this town, I'm a queen bee when the coast is clear, now I know I don't need you dear, so wave your hand like a magic man and disappear."

That may not have been a major thing to them...because at the time, their marriage was failing, their business was failing, and they were so wrapped up in community service organizations that it barely seemed like they were there...so yeah that may not have been a major milestone in their lives...but it was in mine... I was so angry the day that he finalized it by saying "I don't know why you're going thru all this trouble of going to see this school and meet the teachers, you're not going to this school period" and then basically hung up on me...I felt bad for my boyfriend at the time...I threw the phone...I was seeing red I had never been so angry, tell ya the truth I don't think I've ever been that mad since, I was beating the fuck out of the walls, doors, I was screaming at the top of my lungs, I just had so much rage and didn't know how to get it out any other way... I felt so angry, betrayed and so much hate...
I think if my father had of been standing infront of me and said that...it would have definately been on...

As I said it was shortly after that, I left home...in the middle of the afternoon, on a day that I knew both my parents had meetings after work. Wrote a note and left. Moved into the place that my boyfriend was renting a room. I did keep going to school. I walked to school everyday. It was a few miles there and back. We ended up moving in with his mother, it was during my exams in June that I found out at the school nurses office that I was pregnant. That went over like a ton of bricks.

But thats another story for another day ;)

"I heard you're doing ok, but I want you to know, I'm addict, I'm addicted to you. I can't pretend I don't care when you don't think about me"