Somedays I feel like Maxwell... I just wish I knew where I hide my silver hammer...

Well had a good night... I talked to my dad for about 4 hours or so tonight...

I miss my daddy... I wish he was closer... we don't talk nearly enough... he said we need to talk more like once a month for about an hour... rather then once every four months for four hours.. LOL

*sigh* I love my daddy... he's too far away... hmm ok I kinda said that already...LOL

curbed my violent rages this past weekend...was good...I had Officers training on Friday...did the installation ceremony tonight... blah was ok...

gawd I hate trying to have a pm conversation with someone when they are in a voice chat with someone else... they take to long to answer... it's frustrating at times... oh yeah and word to the wise they get really annoyed if you play the audibles while they're trying to get their mac on... LMAO

So I'm thinking that I'm going to stay away from the quiz sites for awhile...they're like crack to me... or like Lay's potato chips...I can't do just one... LOL

"I am a fighter, I ain't gonna stop, there ain't no turning back I've had enough.."

I love losing myself in my music... makes the world go away for however long I listen to it... I need to get back to my drumming... I haven't touched my drum since I got back...

"It ain't me, It ain't me, I ain't no military son"

I think I'm scared that I might take all my anger out on it... then what would i have? it's almost like my anger is all I have emotion wise right now... and if I lose that I'd be empty...

"this loneliness won't leave me alone, two thousand miles I've roamed just to make this dock my home"

"I know you can feel it you're already there asleep underwater just screaming for air"

"I think we're alone here you and I, I think were alone and wondering why, I think we're alone in the universe tonight"

I want to go swimming... it was hot here today... hot here tonight too... too bad I can't go swimming in the canal...

Putting the game face on is hard at times... it's hard to be "ok" for everyone... I'm fine (F-Fucked Up I-Insecure N-Narotic E-EMOTIONAL...) If anyone remembers what the E is lemme know I forget...(thanks Shadow)

"this is my way out of it, tonight I might find one way to get thru how about you?"

Daddy said that this wouldn't be the hardest of the crossroads I face in my lifetime... thank you for the reality check... I wish it was tho... cause damn this has been hard... still is... Sorry but thats the truth...

I've been told that he's not paying for another trip for me... I don't blame him I guess... and if I ever go back... I'm not to come home again... so I guess visiting is out of the question... gawd...how did I fuck up so badly??

"but I want you, there ain't nothing wrong with wanting you"

"I'd eat you alive...I'm sorry, so sorry you're beauty is so bad...it drives me absolutely insane...I just want to look at you...all day..there ain't nothing wrong with that"

Clingy??? was that actually said?? Jealous??
Damn I need to be careful... thats not what we need...my goodness...

I miss my book... my favourite book as a teenager was Go Ask Alice...unfortunately I loaned it out to a friend of mine and they loaned it to someone and so on...I think you can see where I'm going with that...anyway...It was my favourite book of all time...I miss it... I need another copy...I have two all time fav books...Go Ask Alice...and Illusions Tale of a Messiah...I think that was the title... I only remember that Illusions was the main title...anyway...I need to find the copy of that one that I borrowed and get it back to it's rightful owner...and then get my own...I love it so much I once read it in three hours... *sigh*

why do I torture myself? I just need to stop... I get so angry at myself... SOOOO angry... told daddy everything tonight... it's strange that it seems like with him moving away it's brought us closer... but it would be nice to get a nice big hug from him once in awhile...

damn just realized that it's ten to five... he's gonna get up and yell at me again... *sigh* thats growing tiresome... I'm just not tired... I am but not enough to sleep...

"but lately I've been jaded like I'm so complicated I was thinkin about it almost forgot what it was like to feel like what its like with you..."

I hate it when he treats me like I'm some sort of five year child... do this or I'll take your toy away... Gawww... thats not going to make me feel like going to bed... and it sure the hell isn't going to motivate me to do anything else...
have you ever felt uncomfortable in your own skin?
have you ever felt like you don't belong where you are?

"I love you always forever near or far push it together"

It takes me way to long to write a blog sometimes... It must be so hard to read this sometimes... I'm sorry... I write it the way that I think...

"nobody knows what I feel inside all I know is I walked away and cried, I've got dreams to remember"

when I was little I always wanted to be an American...I find that so odd now...I dunno why I find it odd... I've always wanted to live in New Orleans... Or in Texas... Or in Georgia... Or in Florida...
But I don't know why... maybe cause they're all warm... I hate the snow... but I know I'd miss it...

*sigh* I'll stop now...I'm not even making sense to myself anymore...