I have nothing cool to bold

I have found some music that truly relaxes me... LOL It's crazy... most people use shit like beethoven or Yanni or some ocean sounds... nope me the lunatic listens to friggin ICP (Insane Clown Posse) to relax and calm down too... ok does this make any sense? A couple of angry wicked clowns screaming and singing and swearing calms me down right now...

when Anna said "Are you serious ICP??" the only thing I could think of is I guess their angr calms my anger... now don't get me wrong ICP isn't always screamin negative shit or anything... and truthfully if someone would have said "You are going to like ICP's music" I would have told them to go eat shit... because until last year I had only heard of them once and that was a few years ago from Sin (he's a juggalo) which I now understand why he always dressed up as an insane jester for Samhain (Halloween)... I didn't like ICP just because they seemed weird... well duh... I'm strange so why wouldn't I like them... then someone told me "just sit down and listen to some of their music" and he sent me some of their songs... ok so he was right... but of course I had to front that I didn't like them still... lol.. gawd forbid he be right..LOL

I'm not as angry as I was anymore... I've danced a lot... I've sung at the top of my lungs... I've screamed... and I've meditated...

I'm hating the phrase "Everything happens for a reason" how about "We make everything happen for our own reasons" I like that one better... at least it makes it seem like more of our own fate is in our hands... now mind you I do believe in Karma and I do believe that somethings happen for a reason... but not everything... we need to be able to have control of most aspects of our lives... if "everything" happened for a reason then people would be sitting on their asses waiting for "everything" to happen... right? we have to be theones to start the infamous ball rolling in order for "everything" too happen...

"When you refuse me you confuse me, what makes you think I'll let you in again, think again my friend, go on and use me and abuse me, I'll come out stronger in the end. Does it it make you sad to find yourself alone? Does it make you mad to find out I have grown?Did it hurt so bad to see the strength that I've shown? When ya answer the door, pick up the phone you won't find me cause I'm not coming home. You do not know how much this hurts me..."

I'm so friggin ticked...(LMFAO that was weird lets try that again...) I'm fucking pissed off (there that felt better) John Mayer and Maroon5 are playing together at Darien Lake and I have no money for tickets... now mind you for personal reasons I'd be standin there bawlin my eyes out most of the night, but it would have been nice to go see them both in concert...

"Baby if I think about you I think about love, darling if I live without you I live without love, and if I had the sun and moon they would be shining, I would give you both night and day"

Sorry getting wrapped up in my music again...LOL
What can I say I feel like makin love to you :D LOL

Well it seems that summer is officially here... why you ask... because every one of my weekends is getting booked up with something... starting next week.. we'll be going to pick up Keenan from his grandmothers on the 1st of July... last time he was on the phone with Shadow he said he didn't want to come home... of course this was after Shadow and his mother got into a "discussion" about how long he was supposed to staying there... seems to me that "grandma" has been convincing Keenan that he doesn't want to go home because he has his own room and lots of space to play... and to that I say FUCK YOU GRANDMA!!! his mother, father, brother and the rest of the clan are here and this is where he needs to be... I knew I couldn't trust her... *takes deep breath* anyway, so since she's being a bitch and not bringing home the clan is gathering and we're going to get him... and hopefully while I'm there I won't slaughter her...

"If I only could I'd set the world on fire"

The weekend of the 10th I'll be in Chatham visiting other clan members they have a pigroast every year... this year we're actually gonna make it :D YAY!!

"Fuck the beastie boys and the Dahli Lama...Fuck the world...Fuck 'em all...Fuck Oprah Fuck Opera...In this song I say Fuck 93 times"

Then hopefully on the 17th Shadow and I will be on our way to Montreal (well 20 minutes outside of) for a week... YAY a vacation and also will be meeting some awesome people... Deli, Mr Deli, Moonie, Obi, Ergo, Mr Ergo, Gar and Peachy if she gets a damn bus ticket to Chicago LOL

"I can see you near the bed when I look thru this tiny crack, you'll become much older now and I don't see you turning back, seven years in darkness I can only hope my wish comes true, that one day I'll get you in my hands AND I'LL PLAY WITH YOU!!"

After that I'm not sure but I'm sure there will be more plans...

Anywho I need to go and replant a flower with Gambit and empty some kitchen boxes...yeah yeah yeah I'm still not unpacked.. what can I say I hate it here and I don't want to be here...